Confessions Of A Danger-Ish Mind: Real Housewives Of New York Is Losing Me

Now, I hope it’s obvious that the confession here is that I watch Bravo’s Real Housewives of New York City and not that I’m losing interest in the show. Here’s the problem, the not-really-housewives are coming off as really terrible people or constantly fighting with the others and becoming less and less interesting. Now, I don’t want to comment on these individuals as actual people, but the characters they’ve been edited into. Obviously there’s a lot that goes on that doesn’t make it into the show. Hell, when I watch these long running reality shows, I tend to think of everyone more as ficitonal characters anyway. Anyone else do that? Anyway, Here’s my rundown of the “housewives” and my current take on them after the most recent episode called “New Girl, Old Money” which introduces a new “housewife” who is not even a wife. Oh, also, I obviously snagged these pics from Bravo’s site, their full gallery is here.

Ramona is out-of-her-mind crazy. No two ways about it. She’s got no class and constantly gets into peoples’ faces at the least appropriate times, always chalking it up to just being honest. Let me tell you, the world doesn’t need the honesty of some broad with crazy eyes. The Countess has been pretty disappointing this year, coming off as a catty high school mean girl. She should be one of the more sympathetic characters because she got divorced between seasons, but instead she’s coming off as even more arrogant than ever before. Plus, her relationship with Jill has gotten to whole new levels of weirdness with them hanging out in bed together and the Countess repeatedly jumping in when Bethenny was trying to patch things up with Jill. Yeah, it’s awkward, but maybe you should relax and not be so selfish with your friend.

Jill has really come off as a mean, spiteful person so far this season. Bethenny has tried to apologize to her repeatedly and yet she’s not letting it get through. I understand being upset about Bethenny not being around when her husband had cancer, but she blew that whole phone message way out of promotion. It seems like with tonight’s episode she might actually think about forgiving Bethenny, but she’s also coming off as this total press hound, shilling for Kodak in the middle of a Kodak party after Ramona says Kodak isn’t doing so well. Hey, they’re not. I don’t want to defend Ramona who, again, shouldn’t have brought it up at that time, but still, Jill came off as being so terrified of miffing a sponsor. Lame.

Sonja’s the new “girl.” She’s obsessed with her body, sex and animals. Or something. She comes off as an even more annoying Carrie Bradshaw (kind of looks like her too). Sonja seems to fit right in in her debut episode as she both stirs up, gets in the middle of and spreads trouble around. Don’t expect her to become a sympathetic character, she’s supposed to be the racy one, the one who, gasp, talks about sex!!!

Alex hasn’t really been much of a factor aside from facilitating meetings with the other women for them to argue at and meeting up with people after they’ve had arguments. I actually really like her and Simon’s relationship. They’re weirdly infatuated with each other and might have strange ideas on just about everything, but their kind of endearing. The problem is that, they’re also boring in the same way that Switzerland is boring (chocolate and knives aside). With Bethenny and Jill fighting, Alex has become Bethenny’s new best friend and ends up communicating with the other girls, but it’s all just kind of whatever. Give her and Simon their own spinoff where they live in Brooklyn and aren’t forced to hang out with all these crazy people and I think it could work.

Kelly’s been on the defensive a lot this season, but it’s all been pretty warranted. It seems like everywhere she goes, she’s getting into it with someone (most often Ramona) or getting put into weird situations (Ramona disliking Kelly because she made up with Bethenny). Last year, Kelly came off as one of the villains, but I think she just doesn’t choose her words well and likes to put negative encounters out of her head. Seeing her walking around and talking to people for her fashion column (I wonder how heavily edited that bad boy is) adds to her charm this season, but it’s exhausting to watch someone constantly being railroaded by these other women and I can only imagine how hugely annoying it must be to live.

Ah Bethenny. The tell-it-like-it-is health and fitness buff has really become the heroine this season. They tried to make her the villain in the Jill/cancer storyline, but that only last until we actually heard the message and her side of things. She’s finally got a man who seems good for her, which is nice, but she gains sympathy thanks to her repeated battles with Jill, dealing with the Countess’ seeming jealousy and Ramona’s all around craziness (tell her that she’ll probably screw things up with her boyfriend). Of course, adding to her heroine status is the fact that she’s now pregnant. Maybe the news will spread some good tidings throughout the “housewives” and they can reign in the cattiness to at least cut down on the annoyance this season.

I know this entire Real Housewives empire is based on people watching rich people and either admiring them or disliking them, but for whatever reason these women are making me less and less interested in tuning in every week. We’ll see, maybe I’ll stick around until Jill finally accepts Bethenny’s apology only for Bethenny to then throw a pie in her face. Fingers crossed.

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The Kid From Picket Fences Is Kind Of A Dick

I watch a lot of Bravo, you guys. I’m not really proud of it, but they have some pretty good shows. And by “pretty good” I mean less morally reprehensible than VH1. Anyway, I’ve been seeing commercials for this guy, who claims to be a big time actor on an upcoming episode of Millionaire Matchmaker for what seems like months now (really, they just show their commercials about 20 times during any given hour long spot).Dude looked familiar to me, but I couldn’t quite place him. So, I stumbled upon the episode after being blown away by Life After People and finally found out who he is. The kid from Eerie, Indiana and Picket Fences. Also known as Justin Shenkarow.In the beginning of the episode he comes off as a crazy egomaniac. He goes on about winning an Oscar, but according to the IMDb Awards page for him, he’s only been nominated for a SAG award based on being a part of the Picket Fences ensemble and I’m pretty sure they didn’t win. He didn’t even win a freakin Young Artist Award, according to that page. He also name drops people like crazy, though as best I can tell, he does mostly additional voices for real movies like Garfield: A Tale Of Two Kitties and New Moon. He proves throughout the rest of the episode to be kind of a d-bag who gives a girl who has had to become a waitress thanks to the shitty economy shit. And hey, maybe that’s a sensitive topic to someone who lost their job in the last five or so months, but I kind of wanted to punch him.

Confessions Of A Danger-ish Mind: I Watch Ray J

Yeah, that’s right. It’s true and I’m not proud of it. I blame a lack of good daytime programming and VH1’s unusual decision to play episodes that will be premiering later that night during the day. Oh, plus the show is completely ridiculous in a way very similar to their other dating shows I watch from time to time. Normally, I wouldn’t subject myself from the embarrassment of admitting this in such a public forum, but the episode that will be on tonight was just too funny not to tell people about. I came in with a half hour left, so I don’t know what happened in the beginning, but the part I saw started with Ray talking to Snoop Dogg about the girls! Who doesn’t love Snoop? Soon after that, he went out to the pool area where all his buddies were hanging out with the girls (there are three left at the beginning of the episode) and asks them to come in and talk to him about which one they think he should choose. Instead of actually helping their friend out, the dudes start talking about and then singing a song about one of the girls smashing the homey. For those of you who might not know, that means one of the girls slept with one of Ray’s friends. They’re singing so loudly that the girl in question actually comes into the room and yells at them.

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But that’s not the best part, though I love an impromptu song as much as the next guy. The best part was, while going around the room asking about the girls, Ray all of a sudden says “What do you think Tom Green?” The camera pans up and there the man stands in all his pasty, bearded glory. I’m sure he appeared earlier in the episode, but the way I watched the episode it came as quite an unexpected and hilarious shock. Tom even joined in on the smash the homey song, even though he wanted that particular girl to win. Awesome.

Season Finale: Million Dollar Listings

The third season of Million Dollar Listing ended last night. I missed it then, but never let it be said that Bravo makes it difficult for you to catch up on their shows. After catching it this morning, I’m still not quite sure why I like this show. It basically glorifies two rich, douchey real estate agents in California and one who doesn’t seem so bad (that’s Chad and Josh and then Madison respectively). In a concept that would generally fill me with rage and lead me to the next channel, I think it’s the non-work moments that bring me around. Sure it’s interesting to see how these guys are dealing with the crappy financial markets the rest of us are dealing with, but seeing Josh with his grandma is all the more interesting to me (he’s not such a bad guy afterall!). Chad though, that dude seems like a lost cause. How much more nonsense will his gorgeous girlfriend take before she realizes she can do way better? Asking for co-ownership of your dog and ditching her for work constantly won’t all be forgotten by buying her a house, playboy.

Also equally entertaining and infuriating this season was watching the home owners refuse to understand how crappy the market is. Sure this was being taped a while back (not sure exactly when), but things haveĀ  been in the crapper for over a year now. I guess it takes rich people longer to get the new because they’re so busy doing coke and what not.

All in all, like most Bravo series I become hopelessly addicted to, I really enjoyed watching it while it was on, but don’t remember a whole lot about the season as a whole (except what I mentioned above). It was fun while it lasted and maybe in a while I’ll watch the reruns when Bravo will inevitably show another marathon, but for now, I’ve got Chef Academy and Launch My Line to keep me busy.

Season Premiere: Jersey Shore (a.k.a. The Real World New Jersey)

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Wow you guys, I am embarrassed with how much I liked MTV’s Jersey Shore (hence the Confessions tag). For whatever reason I was able to laugh my way through watching this self proclaimed Guidos and Guidettes (I swear, each one of them refers to themselves as one or the other) unlike say something like The Hills or NYC Prep which just make me angry. Sure, all three shows star overly priveleged assholes who think their shit don’t stink, but I guess it’s because these folks are at least kinda charming. After writing this whole thing up, I found out this is a two hour premiere, so hit the jump for the full-on craziness. Continue reading Season Premiere: Jersey Shore (a.k.a. The Real World New Jersey)

Up, Up and Well…Up

To say the missus was excited to finally watch Up is what we refer to as an understatement. Two weeks ago she asked me to put the DVD to the top of our Netflix Queue and I did. Then she repeatedly asked me about for the next two weeks, not knowing that the movie wasn’t coming out til this week. I actually got an email sent to me on Monday saying it had been sent out so we could watch it on Tuesday, which we did.

And it was great. I know I’m not rocking anyone’s world by saying that a Pixar movie that everyone in the world loved is good, but I think it might be my favorite Pixar movie. That being said, I don’t know if I’ll ever watch it again. This movie gets seriously sad you guys. The opening montage with Carl and Ellie was both beautiful and heartbreaking. Seriously, it hit me in the gut. Of course, this is a huge testament to how amazing the Pixar crew is at making these films. I can’t remember feeling this way about anyone in a movie in a long time, whether starring people real or animated. Maybe ever. You’ll want to give your lady or fella a hug

From there the movie made me laugh, feel tense and almost cry again later. Jerks. But seriously, this is a fantastic movie, but I’d probably watch Wall*E again before this because I don’t like feeling super sad, which is the same reason I don’t watch Finding Nemo on my own. Though those lobsters with the Boston accents are hilarious (“It was dahk, like WICKED dahk.”) Hehe.

Songs I Should Hate But Don’t: "Party In The USA"

As much as it pains me to admit it, Miley Cyrus’ “Party In The USA” is one damn catchy tune. I know it’s been out for a while, but I haven’t been getting up early enough to watch videos on MTV, VH1 or Fuse lately, so here you go. Also, I wonder if her favorite Jay-Z song is my favorite Jay-Z song.