We Want Action: Hansel & Gretel Witch Hunters (2013)

hansel and gretel witch hunters I’ve been pretty tired lately, which means I’ve started a lot of movies and left them half-watched at best. Yesterday I was trying to figure out the last time I actually finished a flick and realized it was just last weekend when the wife and I gave Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters a watch. I didn’t know much about the film aside from seeing the trailers and a vague understanding that it didn’t do very well, at least in the States. Apparently people wanted a serious film about witch hunters starring Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton, but instead got a tongue-in-cheek spin on things.

The Tommy Wirkola written and directed film kicks off as anyone familiar with the fairy tale would expect, with the title kids wandering through the woods, finding a house made of candy and getting into it with a witch. After that, they grow up and travel around acing witches for fun and profit. The main thrust of this story finds them in a particular town with a witch problem that turns out to be much bigger and more revelatory than they expected.

Sounds pretty rad, right? And it is, but there’s also a jokey layer of the film that probably got on a few nerves. For instance, Hansel is diabetic after being force-fed candy by the witch and injects himself with a substance, presumably insulin or something like it, every time his wristwatch goes off. I think it’s actually a really clever idea, but obviously anachronistic. If that’s the kind of thing that will turn you off too much from enjoying a fun action romp with a TON of decapitations, then you should probably skip Hansel & Gretel. If you have a sense of humor to go along with movie-based blood lust, then I think this will be your jam.

A big reason I found the film so enjoyable was because of the cast. I enjoyed Renner in Avengers, but let’s be honest, Hawkeye’s not really a character for most of his scenes. This is what I wanted from that film: a cocky hero who’s really good at shooting things. I’m not super familiar with Arterton aside from seeing her in Quantum Of Solace and Pirate Radio, but I really enjoyed seeing her play a strong, badass lady who’s equal to her brother in the witch hunting game if not better. Famke Jannsen also seemed to have a great time as uber-witch Muriel just rolling through the film chewing scenery and reveling in her badness. Plus, Peter Stormare is in this thing. That guy earned my fandom from Prison Break and I still get excited every time I see him skulk onto screen.

There’s even a few fun plot elements that weren’t exactly mind blowing, but still enjoyable. The troll looked rad and it features some of the coolest movie weapons I’ve seen in a while. Who wouldn’t want one of those side-shooting crossbow thingies? So cool. If that sounds like the kind of thing you want to see on screen, give Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters a look. It’s even on Netflix, so it’s easy to get at!

Bullet Points: Hot Rounds Of Information Goodness

The_Expendables_3_BTS_Dolph_LundgrenHey, look, Dolph Lundgren’s hanging out on the set of The Expendables 3! [via ComingSoon]

ziyi-zhang-crouching-tiger-hiddenZhang Ziyi is in talks to appear in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon II – The Green Destiny alongside fellow returning castmate Michelle Yeoh and franchise newcomer Donnie Yen. Director and fight choreography Yuen Wo Ping (Iron Monkey) will fill in for director Ang Lee. [via ComingSoon]

Neill Blomkamp‘s next film Chappie, about a stolen robot with artificial intelligence now, has an official release date: March 27, 2015. [via Collider]

Focus, a racing-based heist film, brought on Rodrigo Santoro (300: Rise Of An Empire, The Last Stand) to play Will Smith’s boss in the film being directed by Glenn Ficarra and John Requa (Crazy, Stupid Love). [via THR]

dead-snow-posterDirector Tommy Wirkola (Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters) hired a trio of actors for his horror/action flick Dead Snow: Red Vs. Dead which teams up the lone survivor of the first film with a group of zombie hunters called The Zombie Squad. Said actors are Martin Starr (Freaks & Geeks, Party Down), Ingrid Haas (Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World) and Jocelyn Deboer (College Humor). [via Variety]

watch dogsSony, New Regency and Ubisoft are teaming up to make a movie based on Sony’s November 19th-shipping Watch Dogs. [via Hero Complex]

act of valourThe Bandito Brothers utilized real life Navy SEALS when they filmed Act Of Valor. For the sequel, though, they’re focusing on the adventures of a S.W.A.T. team. Scott Wiper (The Condemned) is writing the script. [via Deadline]

Finally, we lost two icons in the world of films and crime fiction this week. Elmore Leonard, whose adapted novels include Rum Punch (transformed into Jackie Brown by Quentin Tarantino) and Get Shorty, passed on August 20th at the age of 87. Legendary director Ted Post (Beneath The Planet Of The Apes, Magnum Force, Good Guys Wear Black) passed away on the same day at the age of 95. Our thoughts are with the families of these two incredibly prolific individuals.