Okay, so I’m watching Suspriria, Dario Argento’s most famous flick (according to something I read online or something) for the first time while I’m drinking my very first 40oz of Big Bear Premium Malt Liquor (thanks to whoever brought this to my house after Oktoberfest a few weeks ago). Now a great combination if you want to actually pay attention to the quintessential Italian horror director’s interpretation of an American at a German dance school.
I’ll be completely honest with you. I have no idea what’s going on in this movie. I am watching it as I write this and I’m probably about halfway through. I’m also fairly in my cups as some folks would say, so thank you again to Big Bear. I read on the interwebs that it’s about an American girl who goes to a German dance school and that Argento based the story on somebody’s stories of witchcraft going on at a dance school. Check IMDb if you want the actual “facts.”
Like I said before I have no freaking idea what’s happening in this movie. Partly because I was writing my Halloween review while watching it. Partly because I’m in my cups pretty bad (the 40’s about 70% empty). And partly because the volume of the freakin movie keeps changing from way-too-quiet to way to loud. Oh, also, I havne’t really been paying attention.
I DO know that I would never spend a second in any location in this movie. As soon as you see all kinds of crazy shapes and/or hallways that are primarily red, RUN. Go sleep on a parkbench. You’re better off in Haddonfield on October 31st cause some crazy Sh!t’s about to go down.
Okay, let me watch a little bit more and get back to you…holy crap, a girl just jumped into a room full of wound-up barbed wire and then got her throat slit. I still have no idea what’s going on (hopefully someone finds this intoxicated stream of consciousness movie review interesting).
Due to some exposition (thanks handsome guy!) we find out that the dance academy was founded by a witch who liked witchcraft AND dancing. They ditched the witchcraft and just stuck with the dance. Or DID THEY? (I’m still waiting to find out myself.)
Strange side note, while watching this flick from beginning to end there was a point where the DVD decided that it wanted to show me the rest of the movie (and the disc menu) in a weird, pixelated version that reminded me of the NES. Luckily I was able to skip ahead to a different chapter and avoid the problem, but it did prolong the watching of this nearly incomprehensible movie. I highly recommend NOT drinking a 40 or blogging while watching Suspiria. That being said, horror fans should check this thing out and then tell me what happened.
Okay, so I’m either going to fall asleep during the end of this movie, get woken up by something scary and go to bed OR actually finishing this thing out and then head to bed. Either way, I do recommend this flick to other horror fans who can someday explain to me what exactly this movie is about.
Thanks, have fun and don’t drink and drive, but do drink and and blog, it’s funner for everyone.