Halloween Scene: Wrestlemaniac (2006)

There is exactly one reason I decided to watch Wrestlemaniac (a.k.a. El Mascarado Massacre): it’s 75 minutes long. Yeah, I know it’s a terrible reason to watch a movie, but I wasn’t sure how much longer I’d be staying up and wanted something short (I ended up finishing it this morning, so I guess I failed). Anyway, this is a really ridiculous slasher, but I actually had a lot of fun watching it. Allow me to explain the plot. We start off in a van with six people who are driving around Mexico looking for a place to shoot a porno (you can immediately tell who’s cannon fodder and who isn’t, which is kind of fun). They stop at a gas station where they hear about a town that translates into The Blood Of Christ where the ultimate Mexican wrestler (who is crazy) has been locked up. The fat cameraman is a big fan of luchadors, so, for some reason, they decide to go shoot their porno there. And yes, there are boobs and a weird guy with a mustache touching them. The cannon fodder dies first, then one of the porn actresses starts working on the van (her dad is a mechanic). Meanwhile, the other guys start running afoul of El Mascarado (played by Rey Mysterio Sr.). We even find out that our killer was experimented on and had, I kid you not, 50 lobotomies. He also murdered every single person in the town, but he follows the rules of wrestling, so if you rip his mask off he’ll stop killing. Oh, also, when he kills people, he RIPS THEIR FACES OFF and sticks them on the wall in a room he turned into a makeshift wrestling ring.

Okay, like I said I dug this movie. It’s weird and pretty violent and follows a strange logic that makes sense if you don’t think about it too hard. Plus, it looks really good. I would have thought a movie like this that I never heard of would look pretty crappy, but it’s got a good deal of style. I’d like to see what writer and director Jesse Baget does next. Did I mention he rips peoples’ faces off? It’s awesome. There’s even a big fight with the fat guy that we don’t get to see the first half of, but the last half is pretty cool. I’m guessing that Mysterio only showed up for filming for a day or two because he’s only in about 15 minutes of the actual movie.

Now I’m going to get into SPOILER territory. As I highly recommend checking the movie out on NetBox, I don’t want to ruin it, but if you’re feeling SPOILERY, go for it. At the end, everybody dies. Everybody but Mysterio. I’m not exactly sure how he could survive the impaling he suffered, but after killing the super hot final girl (the girl fixing the van) the film ends awesomely with a nice soft song playing while Mascarado drives the van down a dusty road. It’s pretty funny, but also makes sense. How could these goobers defeat the best wrestler in the universe who has had 50 lobotomies?! Seriously, if you’re a horror fan, do yourself a favor and check Wrestlemaniac out.

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