Halloween Scene: The Scorned (2005)

Hey, this should come as no surprise, but a horror movie populated by people who were on Real World, Survivor, The Bachelor and other reality shows, sucked. Make no mistake, The Scorned isn’t so bad it’s good. It’s just shitty. The acting’s bad, the special effects shit and while the general story isn’t bad, the characters don’t do anything that a normal human would do. One woman finds out that her boyfriend’s friend (Survivor’s Johnny Fairplay) has been brutally murdered, yet all she does is give her boyfriend shit for disturbing her. Who does that? Maybe it’s a kind of meta thing, like, most of the characters being vapid assholes is a commentary on the kinds of people who go on reality shows and become “stars.” Even taking that into account, this movie’s still pretty hard to watch.

Here’s the plot: a woman walks in on her boyfriend cheating on her with Trishelle from Real World Vegas (who is also her best friend). She starts freaking out and then her boyfriend hits her with a fireplace poker. Fast forward to some time later and the house is being rented out to a bunch of people including the aforementioned Fairplay and Steven from Real World Vegas. Soon enough the spirit of the scorned girlfriend starts killing people. Turns out though that the girlfriend isn’t dead but projecting herself from her bed somehow. Like I said, that’s a pretty cool idea, but the execution is just the pits. Side note, Tonya from Real World Chicago plays the bitch girl who’s angry at her boyfriend for his friend dying. I only vaguely recognized some of the other people and straight up didn’t know who most of the non-Real World cast members were, so I couldn’t even play “hey, that guy!” Do yourself a favor and avoid this piece of junk at all costs. Still thinking of watching it? Here’s a sample of paraphrased dialogue.

Fairplay to two girls on the beach: Hey want a three way?

Girl: Screw you asshole.

Fairplay: So you like anal?

Huh? Okay, maybe with lots of beers and a living room or theater full of drunken buffoons this movie might be fun, but consider yourself warned.

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