Mini Monsters: Gremlins 2 The New Batch (1990)

I love Gremlins 2. I probably shouldn’t but I do. It’s nowhere near as good as the original movie with it’s amazing mix of comedy, humor and horror, but it holds a special place in my heart. I can’t remember if I saw it in the theaters when I was 7 and it hit theaters. I have a feeling I did, but can’t say for sure. Anyway, the sequel is much more over the top and sillier, but it’s also filled with lots of slapsticky site gags and all kinds of mutated Gremlins running around causing all kinds of havoc which makes it perfect for kids. They even had trading cards, an NES game and I would assume toys, though not a full roll out like you might expect. But I can see where that kid focus would put older viewers off. Had I watched this movie for the first time as an adult without any of the nostalgia or love, like I did with, say, Lost Boys, I’m fairly certain I would have scoffed my way through the movie instead of smiling like a damn fool the whole time like I did when I watched it the other day.

Even having said that, I’d say that there are elements to the movie that might be fun for viewers of all kinds. Like the first flick, there’s humor here, but this time around it feels more in the same vein as Naked Gun than something more understated. I also appreciate that the movie has a sense of humor about itself. Not only do you have some control room guys making fun of the three rules from the first movie, but there’s even an appearance by Leonard Maltin as a critic where he slags the movie only to get attacked by Gremlins. You also can’t discount how good the special effects are. Gizmo and the Gremlins look so rad, especially the Bat and Spider ones. Man, they’re creepy.

One of the benefits of watching the movie on DVD–which I bought a while back, but can’t remember if I’ve actually watched all the way through–was seeing the original “film break” scene in the movie complete with woman complaining about the movie being too scary for kids and Hulk Hogan threatening the Gremlins to let the movie start back up. See, on the VHS version and, I believe, the one they showed on TV, there was a “tape break” instead. I couldn’t tell you what the differences all are, but I like that they went back to the original on the DVD version (I wonder if the VHS scene is on the DVD, I should check).

Anyway, I’m not really sure what else to say about the flick. There were some pretty lame parts like the very roundabout way they took to get Gizmo wet (malfunctioning drinking fountain) and the fact that Phoebe Cates had something bad happen to her on Lincoln’s Birthday too. But with the humor, going in with affection and the ass kicking special effects, I think Gremlins 2 has a lot to offer the right kind of viewer.

Halloween Scene: Eye See You (2002)

I added Eye See You (also known as D-Tox) based solely on the fact that Sylvester Stallone is in at and as longtime readers know, I’m a big fan of his. Well, it turns out that Eye See You is actually a slasher movie. When I read that, I quickly moved it to the top of my list and gave it a watch last night. Don’t let the fact that Universal sat on this flick for a few years before selling it off to some other distributor get you down, it’s a pretty serviceable mix of action and slasher horror, though it’s not really the most original story.

See, Stallone headed up an FBI task force trying to track down a serial killer who went on to kill his wife. After that he kind of lost his shit and his partner takes him to a rehab center in snow-covered Wyoming that caters specifically to law enforecement types who have also lost their shit. The group is watched over by Kris Kristofferson. In addition to Stallone, the group includes Robert Patrick (T-1000!), Tom Berenger (Sniper!), Charles S. Dutton (A Time To Kill!) and Robert Prosky (the old guy from Last Action Hero & Christine!).

Like I said, the plot isn’t really all that original because it takes the plot of any slasher movie and puts it in the setting of The Thing. Instead of a shapeshifting alien, though, the killer this time around is the serial killer form the beginning who has taken over the identity of a cop. As you might expect, the film develops as the characters start realizing some of their group are missing, then they arm themselves, more people die, someone figures out the killer’s identity, but the audience isn’t told and everything ends with Stallone facing off against the killer. The killer’s identity didn’t really blow me away, but I didn’t call it and they avoided going with the obvious choice, which was nice, but in the end the movie’s pretty fun. Not great, but I don’t think it needed to be shelved and dumped like it was. I would imagine the combination of Stallone, the rest of those actors and a horror movie would be enough of a seller to make at least as much money as they made selling the damn thing. Ah well, the best part of the movie is the very end when SPOILER Stallone throws the killer on a wall of knives or blades and then picks him up and throws him further into the blades. Dude was clearly knew Randy’s rules from Scream and wasn’t about to take any chances.

Halloween Scene: Christine (1983) & The Legacy (1978)

Man, Christine was a disappointment. I knew it was based on a Stephen King book, so that’s usually a hit or miss type thing, but then I saw that John Carpenter directed it. Holy cats! This has GOT to be great, right? Nope. Maybe it’s because I’ve seen a few killer car movies and they’re all pretty much the same, or it’s because Carpenter doesn’t come anywhere near the intense emotional heights that movies like Halloween, Assault on Precinct 13 and The Thing do. Sure, Carpenter has his movies that aren’t that great, but I figured, that, since was from that same time period, we’d be good to go. Nope.

The story revolves around a nerdy kid who feels himself drawn to this beat up old car called Christine. He buys it and it immediately starts conflict with his parents who don’t want him to have that eyesore outside. So he stores it at a junkyard where he scavenges parts to fix it. Soon enough he’s done and becoming more and more of a 50s era greaser tough. After that the car starts taking revenge on some of his (and her) enemies.

I think my biggest problem with the kill scenes is that they seemed easily avoidable. At one point, the car squeezes it’s way into a loading dock where a victim is just standing there. The car has to force itself in and ends up squishing the kid, but here’s the thing. There was PLENTY of time for that dude to jump up the car and run across it. There’s another scene where a guy’s sitting in the car and it pushes the seat up into the steering wheel and crushes the guy (after locking the doors). This just seemed lame and boring and obvious all around, but they did it anyway.

There were some good things though. I liked the performances. At first you’re agreeing with the nerdy kid. His parents are pretty hard on him even though he seems to never cause trouble. I also liked the subtle transformation from nerdy dude to greaser tough even if it seemed a little too on the nose. There are also some pretty cool special effects. The car can reform itself because…well, we’re not really sure why, but it does and it looked really cool. Meanwhile, there’s another scene where the car, which is on fire drives over a guy and he catches on fire. That looked pretty cool, but by that point I wasn’t really into it anymore and it was just a cool spike in an overly dull movie. Totally bummer.

Thankfully, I had better luck with The Legacy, which I added to the top of my Netflix Queue after reading that Sam Elliott was in it over on Horror Movie A Day. Even though I had read the review the week before, by the time I got the movie, I remembered nothing about it, except that the star of Frogs and Road House would be in it.

Thankfully, the movie delivers out what it promises: Elliott’s awesomeness. He’s the boyfriend/husband of Katherine Ross who was the main character in the original Stepford Wives. Somebody in England sends her some money and asks her to come out to a big old mansion there, so they do. There are a few other people there, all of whom seem to be kind of assholes in one way or another. One of those characters is rock star Roger Daltry playing himself kind of in the form of a character called Clive Jackson. I got a chuckle out of the fact that this was my second movie featuring a rock star in it in a week (Gene Simmons was in Runaway).

From there people start dying and things get weird. It turns out that the dude who owns the house gave everyone a ring that can’t come off. He looks kind of like a demon. At first Ross is freaking out and Elliott doesn’t really believe her, but then really strange mystical type things start happening, like when they try to drive out of town and find themselves on a giant loop, ending up where they started.

Let’s call this SPOILER territory. It turns out that the old guy has the power of Satan. In order to pass it along to his descendant (which is Ross), so all he has to do is kill off the other ones and the power will pass on to her. Then, she needs to do the same thing and on and on and on. I liked that the movie ended on kind of a creepy weird note with Ross stating that she can now do whatever she wants. She didn’t flip the script and say she was going to be a good guy, but also didn’t straight up say she’d become a big Satan-powered crazy herself.

I just want to mention a few other things. First off, The Legacy was directed by Richard Marquand who also directed Return Of The Jedi! If you had asked me who actually directed Jedi, I don’t think I could’ve actually told you. Now I’ll at least know that it was the guy who did The Legacy. Also, it’s based on a book which I’m kind of interested in checking out, which gives it something in common with Christine. Finally, both The Legacy and Christine have crazy Polish posters, which you can check out here: