Apocalypse Now-ish

Hey gang, hope you’ve made peace with your respective makes because things aren’t looking so good for humanity.

Now, I’m not one to put much stock in end of the world theories, but, when faced with overwhelming evidence, even I have to take another look at the facts. And things look grim to say the least.

First off, as you all know I’m sure, the economy is in the crapper. Sure, things look better and worse on a daily basis, but we’re talking about the first worldwide crash in our hyper-technological society. I’m not sure if that makes sense. Want to know why?

Because it’s ridiculously hot. Maybe this is just a local thing, but it was like 90 degrees this weekend after being in the 60s and 70s all week. Forget global warming, this could be global burning. Plus, the A/C in my freaking office isn’t working and I’m feeling light headed (which might explain this rant).

But hey, heat and a bad economy, that’s nothing new, right? True. So how about we mix a little pig flu in? I don’t care to actually read the link to the Center for Disease Control, but my grandmother-in-law swears that you can get it from eating pig. I’ll be honest with you folks, if it’s between getting the flu and eating bacon, you better get a bucket ready, because I’m eating that bacon. I’m the guy that heard a report on NPR about the Taco Bell E. coli scare a few years back and went right to the drive-thru and got myself some T-Bell. Hey, living clean isn’t for everyone. Also, how funny is it that there’s a blog called Food Poisoning Law Blog? That might be a sign too, but probably not.

What’s that? You have science to refute those claims? I believe you. I also believe what I heard on the radio last night (NPR again, yeah, I’m cultured like that, especially now that Wendy Williams plays so much freaking music). One reporter who lives in Mexico City said that the usually friendly people of MC have become highly suspicious of their neighbors, expecting them to get them sick. Well, we’re pretty much like that already here in the states on a good day. Add in the fact that people are afraid to fly anywhere and the inevitable conspiracy theories attesting that the flu was unleashed by man for nefarious reasons and you’ll get a pretty paranoid populace.

So, to sum things up, the world is full of poor, scared, sick and increasingly desperate people in a huge, hot economic pit in which pigs are slowly killing us. But that’s not all. The incredibly lame-looking movie Obsessed, which they didn’t even advertise as starring Beyonce, one of the biggest pop stars in the world, and Heroes “star” Ali Larter until the last few commercials I saw, was not only the biggest grossing movie of the weekend, but also scored record earnings for that week in April.

Maybe it’ll be this Friday’s X-Men Origins: Wolverine that lights the last flame to the powder keg before complete anarchy sets in. Well, it’s been nice knowing you all. I was hoping to make it until the Lost finale, but we shall see…

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