Season Finale: Tool Academy 3

I mostly like watching Tool Academy because it shows douchebags getting caught being douchebags. Sometimes some of them learn their lessons, sometimes the girl dumps the tool like she should, but usually the assholes head home with girls who are way too good for them. Hey, wait a minute, is that Robert Downey Jr. between them in that picture? Anyway, this season was pretty crazy with a tool leaving the very first episode and the two finalists being Angelo–the guy who said he doesn’t care if his girlfriend gets an STD because of his cheating, cries constantly AND videotaped another girl he slept with and put it in his tape to get on whatever fake show he thought he was going on instead of Tool Academy and Jacob–a violent, aggressive wrestler wannabe who seemed dead set on fighting with one of the girl tools at every opportunity (I think he had a thing for her). I figured Angelo as a pretty early finalist because of the crying. Now whether it’s real or not, it was still impressive that he cried every. Single. Time. You gotta stay hydrated for that.

Now, before getting into the actual finale, I want to comment on the aforementioned girl tool. She’s a rocker chick who likes to screw around on him and it goes WAY back because her mom’s a madame. His brother (and the rest of America) all hated his tool girlfriend and he was even a minute away from walking out on the show and her. My fists were raised in triumph. Then he came back. And they talked. And he said it was the best conversation he’s ever had with her. It was ridiculous. This chick is trash and he needs to leave her because she’s just keeping him around as an easy lay. Anyone can see it. Man up, brother. You’re like a beaten puppy. You can do better. I do not remember your name.

Anyway, the finale had some pretty funny stuff. The guys both saw pictures of themselves from when they were kids and then yelled at recent pictures of themselves, burned clothing that reminded them of their past lives and freaked the hell out while doing a ropes course (hey, those things ARE scary, but Angelo sounded like Pee Wee Herman up there). At the very end it’s Jacob who wins, but I’m not really sure why. Angelo heads outside and his girl goes home with him. He did seem to change, but he DID do all those horrible things. Jacob didn’t seem to do as many horrible things before getting to Tool Academy, but he also seemed to lie his way through huge parts of the show. “This means more to me than my high school graduation,” he said. Well whatever. Maybe next season will be all lady tools. That’d be interesting. Really, the highlight of each season is that first episode when the d-bags think they’re on some “tropical awesome contest” and then get the shit surprised out of them when it’s revealed they’re on Tool Academy.

Oh, also, I’m pretty uncomfortable with the fact that the blue graduation gowns and hats the finalists wear are the exact same ones my high school wears. I’d post a picture comparison, but that might be more embarrassing than I’m ready for.

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