Tonight’s episode revolved around Leonard’s loneliness. Even though Sheldon says he and Amy aren’t dating, everyone else has a girlfriend except the very sad Leonard. Even Raj has a deaf girl apparently. Howard sets him up with one of Bernadette’s friends thanks to a Girlfriend Pact they have. Meanwhile, Sheldon’s freaking out because Amy asks him to meet her mother.

8:01pm – Sheldon still says Amy’s not his girlfriend and that he doesn’t like any kind of prolonged human contact.
Sheldon’s got a rad Green Arrow shirt, but I can’t find the damn thing anywhere.

They’re watching Incredible Hulk. Sheldon says even the Hulk has a girlfriend, though Leonard doesn’t.

8:04pm – Sheldon’s talking about there being a parallel universe in which a Sheldon doesn’t believe in parallel universes.

8:05pm – Sheldon’s suggesting he join a senior center to meet people, just like his meemaw did.
“We never put meemaw in a home!” – Sheldon.

8:06pm – The guys meet up at the comic shop. Howard has a special ring on his phone. Apparently Raj also has a girlfriend who happens to be deaf.

“What?” – Leonard. “That’s what she says.” – Raj.

8:07pm – Even Stewart has a girlfriend he met at Comic Con. When she wants to have sex, she puts on her plus sized Wonder Woman costume and says “Who wants to take a ride in my invisible plane.” Yeesh. He doesn’t like her, but he doesn’t want to be alone.

Apparently Howard and Leonard have a girlfriend pact.

8:08pm – In a very scientific way, Raj tells Leonard he couldn’t get laid in a women’s prison with a stack of pardons.

Back at the apartment, Leonard’s sad. First Sheldon gives him trouble for not having a girlfriend, then Amy buts in via webcam.

8:09pm – Amy tells Leonard that his pheromones might actually be stinky to other people because he’s so sad. She suggests he go to a bar, but Sheldon says he can’t do any of the regular bar things: throwing darts, holding his liquor, etc.

She then suggests a juice bar and Sheldon adds a sushi bar to the list.

8:10pm – Sheldon has to void his bladder and says goodbye to Amy, but she asks him to meet his mother. Sheldon shuts the computer and then runs after Leonard down the stairs, yelling Leonard’s name, finally catching up with him and asking what the mother meeting means. Leonard tells him it means they’re dating.

8:11pm – “Fix it for me.” – Sheldon, who then suggests that Leonard take over for him with his Amy relationship.

8:12pm – Leonard uses physics to explain to Sheldon that he’s screwed.

Leonard heads over to Howard’s wearing a blue Apple T-shirt and not his trademark vest and hoodie. Haha, he was acting like he worked at the Genius Bar to pick up chicks and got locked up in mini mall jail because of it. Buy one here. 8:13pm – Leonard invokes the girlfriend pact because he wants what Howard and Bernadette have.

8:18pm – Before his date, Leonard asks Sheldon how he looks. Sheldon says like a Body Snatcher duplicate but with more hair gel.

8:19pm – Sheldon has gone a little crazy, deleting his digital footprint and changing the number of the building so Amy can’t find him. He’s also changed his phone number and sent Amy a relationship termination notice. Smooth.

“Got your back jack, bitches be crazy.” – The postman to Sheldon after Sheldon explained his situation.

8:20pm – Amy shows up anyway because, duh, she knows where they live. Sheldon asks Leonard to lie for him. He opens the door, tells Amy Sheldon’s not there and she walks away even though Sheldon said lies need to be complicated.

Bernadette apparently crossed Ebola with the common cold at her job (not the Cheesecake Factory). Crazy.

8:21pm – Leonard’s date Joy shows up right from spin class, wipes her armpits with a napkin and explains that she’s hilarious. In reality, she’s actually awful.
Joy and Bernadette met at krav maga class, I believe that’s Israeli marital arts. Wow, I was correct on both the spelling and the country of origin on the first try. Impressive.

8:22pm – I have no idea what Sheldon’s doing, but he sounds crazy as he walks down the stairs, saying science things on each step. He gets it wrong and goes all the way back upstairs. Ah, apparently he’s saying the stars that are nearest him.

He goes downstairs to see Amy waiting outside. “Oh dear, she really be crazy.” – Sheldon.

8:23pm – Back at dinner, Joy is eating the most expensive thing on the menu, threatens Leonard’s balls because that’s apparently what you do in krav maga and says she has to take a wicked wiz.

8:24pm – Now Sheldon’s wearing a parka, winter hat and Groucho Marx glasses, thinking it will get him past Amy, who is sitting on the steps.

Amy says she wants to present Sheldon to her mother to get mom of her back. She tells him not to be absurd when he asks if she has fallen in love with him.

“Amy Farrah Fowler, that’s the most pragmatic thing anyone has ever said to me.” – Sheldon. He then asks if she wants Chinese food and she tells him he’s suffocating her.

8:25pm – Howard says he was once robbed by a pre-op tranny on a girl he met on JDate and that wasn’t even on his top 10 worst dates list.

8:26pm – Joy invites Leonard to her cousin’s wedding, he’s about to say no because he doesn’t really like her, but she says there will be an open bar and that she’ll be practically giving it away. He agrees.
8:29pm – Sheldon meets Amy’s mom on Skype and tells her they’re having regular intercourse, that they’re like wild animals and it’s a wonder they haven’t gotten hurt from their raucous sex.

“Yes, it’s time for me to make love to your daughter’s vagina.” – Sheldon. They hang up. Sheldon then suggests they engage in coitus, followed by a bazinga! He then asks her to leave because it’s bedtime.