My Favorite Newer Horror Discoveries Of 2017

I watch a lot of horror movies, as you probably know. I stumble upon some of them on Netflix, Hulu or Amazon Prime, while others I’m given by friends or hear about on the fantastic Shock Waves podcast. In 2017, I also had the pleasure of writing for Blumhouse.com which lead to plenty of great viewings for fun and profit.

Continue reading My Favorite Newer Horror Discoveries Of 2017

Quick Movie Review: Year One (2009)

The impetus for me posting the full transcript of my Harold Ramis interview was the missus and me watching Year One. Unfortunately, I did not like it very much. For the most part I liked the performances by guys like Jack Black, Michael Cera, David Cross, Paul Rudd, Christopher Mintz-Platz, Vinnie Jones, the crazy skinny Horatio Sans and others. Unfortunately, none of those actors are really breaking down any comedic barriers or getting into new territory when it comes to their comedy. Overall, I think the story’s pretty interesting. It’s not a caveman movie like everyone originally thought, but a tour through the book of Genesis. Growing up Catholic, going to Catholic school and taking some ancient lit classes in college have given me a pretty good working knowledge of this story, so it was cool to see it from a different angle. The real problem is that the story seems to drag a lot and there are just too many gross-out jokes. Ramis created some of the greatest comedies of all time and he’s directing a movie where Black eats poop. Come on, you’re better than that. I wonder if all those kinds of scenes were taken out, I would have liked it better, but I can’t say because that’s not the case. By the end of movie I was wondering around our place cleaning and doing whatever I could to walk away from the TV. I was just bored and didn’t care anymore. It was sad. I really wanted to like this movie, especially because I’m sure it was a big part of the reason I got to talk to one of my heroes. Oh well, Ramis did a great job of directing the second half of the birth episode of The Office last week, so I’m happy enough. Here’s hoping if Ghostbusters 3 does happen, it’ll be rad. I don’t believe anything Bill Murray’s been saying about wanting to be a ghost, I think he’s just being Bill Murray. But we shall see. If you’re looking for a funny movie to rent, skip this one and watch something else from Ramis’ illustrious videography.

The Brutal Legends Commercial Is Awesome

Holy crap you guys, I am STOKED for Brutal Legend to come out next week. Now, I won’t be able to buy it thanks to not having any spare cash, BUT that won’t stop me from enjoying this rad commercial that EA put out. They’ve got a BL theme song and everything that sounds like it’s straight out of the 80s. Good stuff.

Tim Burton Is Awesome

Over the past two days I’ve had the pleasure of watching two Tim Burton movies on the train and realizing how much I like his directing. Monday I watched childhood favorite Beetlejuice (1988) and yesterday I checked out Mars Attacks (1996) for the first time. I also recently realized that Burton is probably the first director I was a fan of before I even realized what a director did. I remember watching Frankenweenie on the Disney Channel, I liked Batman, but Batman Returns was my favorite superhero movie for years and I have memories of Pee Wee’s Big Adventure like anyone else my age, but wasn’t too obsessed with it. In fact, Burton was probably the first director whose work I did recognize. And, perusing his credits on IMDb and realizing I’ve really enjoyed most of what I’ve seen, I’ve decided to give him the “… Is Awesome” tag, I’m sure he’s super excited.

Before jumping into the movie reviews, I do want to note that I still haven’t seen Edward Scissorhands or Sleepy Hollow, but I have seen all of his other big movies. I didn’t really like Sweeney Todd (apparently, I have a fear of razors against throats, who knew?) and I’m not particularly partial to Nightmare Before Christmas (which he didn’t direct, but produced) or Corpse Bride, but I think that’s because I resented paying full New York prices for a 76 minute movie. Anyway, not liking three movies and not seeing two movies puts him in that rare category of directors with a lot of movies which I have seen and liked. It’s easy to say I like Tarantino or Kevin Smith, but they don’t have all that many movies.

So, now onto Beetlejuice and Mars Attacks specifically. When I say I was a Beetlejuice fan as a kid, I’m talking full-on. I had the movie on tape of course, watched the cartoon, got as many of the toys as I could (I’ll take pictures of what I have and do a separate post soon) and even dressed up as him for Halloween one year (Mom made the suit and we bought the official Beetlejuice toy mask with pop-out snakes!). And, the craziest thing about all this is that I was a fan even though I saw something on TV about Beetlejuice that scared me so much I had nightmares.

I’ve been searching YouTube and the internet for any reference to this, but can’t find it. Around the time the movie came out, I saw this talk show aimed at kids either on Nickelodeon or Disney Channel where they interviewed some of the ghosts and monsters from the movie. I think the shrunken head hunter was on there, but I definitely remember the file clerk who got run over by a truck. There were a few others but I can’t remember them. I also don’t remember the details, but it scared me so bad I had nightmares for a while. Also note that this was well before I even entertained the idea of watching horror movies. Just the previews scared me. Ah, how far I’ve come.

It’s been probably 10 years since I watched Beetlejuice all the way through (I picked the DVD up on the cheap sometime in the past year, but hadn’t watched it). I still really dig this movie. It’s got a great mix of comedy, action and horror, plus great performances by everyone involved from Michael Keaton as the Ghost With the Most down to Jane, the annoying real estate woman.

The only part that doesn’t hold up is the special effects, which, according to the internet, Burton did on purpose as a reference to older sci-fi and horror movies (hence the stop motion animation of the sculptures and sandworms). But, other effects still look great, and mostly because they’re practical. I love the ghastly faces Barbara (Geena Davis) and Adam (Alec Baldwin, he looks so young and thin!) put on to scare Lydia (Winona Ryder, also super young).

A couple of funny things I realized while watching this movie before Mars Attacks. First off, this is the second movie in two weeks I’ve watched where rich New Yorkers move away from the city to a quiet place somewhere north of the city. At least in Beetlejuice, they eventually tell you they’re in Connecticut so I wasn’t driving around trying to find the school house. Also, I realized while watching that Catherine O’Hara and Jeffrey Jones will always be “the people from Beetlejuice” in my head. I remember when O’Hara lated played the mom in Home Alone, I was psyched. And, while Jones will always be Ed Rooney to most, he’s the dad from this movie and the bad guy from Who’s Harry Crumb and that’s the way it is.

Which brings me to Mars Attacks, which doesn’t have single character/actor who I haven’t seen in something else. Hell, even Jack Black’s in this bad boy and he looks only a little less svelte than he did in Airborne. Heck even the kid from Solarbabies is in it, but to me he’s still the whiny kid from that movie (though he’s way more awesome and less girly now).

I can’t think of a recent movie that has brought together so many famous actors in one flick (check out the full roster here). Sure, you could argue that some people like Sarah Jessica Parker or Lisa Marie weren’t really all that famous at the time, but you’ve got Jack Nicholson, Glenn Close, Pierce Brosnan, Danny DeVito, Natalie Portman (also probably not super famous at the time) and Pam Grier! For the record, that’s also the Joker, Cruella de Vil, James Bond, Penguin, Amidala AND Foxy Brown. That’s a pretty epic team-up. (Any artists out there want to draw that up? It’d be rad?) Anyway, what I liked most about this star studded cast is the fact that so many of these big time starts got killed in really great and kind of gruesome ways. You really don’t see THAT nowadays.

I know I’m late to the game by 13 years on this one. I’m not sure why I didn’t see it when it came out or why it took so long for me to finally see it, but I’m really glad I did. It was very slow going at first and I kept wondering how all these different characters were going to fit together and really just wanted to get to the aliens blowing shit up, but I see why it all works. It’s a satire on movies like it, but also society. Parker’s character could be taken out of this movie and put on the NYC streets I walk everyday to get to work (I might have seen her last week actually, she just has a Blackberry now). That Burton fella’s ahead of the curve methinks. Plus, the effects are cool and it’s damn funny.

And dammitall if those aren’t the cutest little aliens blasting the crap out of humanity. I loved their “ack ack ACK” dialogue and loved it even more when their heads exploded. Watching the second half of the movie really made me want to play whatever the latest Destroy All Humans game is. It also made me want to check out the original card series that the movie is based on (huh, basing a movie on a card set seems just as crazy as basing one on a board game, no?), which brought me to Zelda’s Mars Attacks site, check it out!

Best Of The Best: Airborne (1993)

Few movies exemplify everything I wanted to be when I was 10 years old more than Airborne. Not only was the main character Mitchell, played by now-real estate agent Shane McDermott, living in a cold town in Ohio (Cincinnati about four or so hours from Toledo), but he was also really good at surfing and rollerblading. I was always really, really into watching rollerblading, skateboarding and BMX competitions on ESPN2 back then (this was around the time the XGames started I guess), but was always too much of a wuss to try anything more than going kinda fast (plus I could never get myself going on a skateboard).

So, right off the bat, I gotta say that Airborne gets Best Of The Best status for purely nostalgic reasons. It’s not a great film, but it’s great to me. In addition to all the rollerblading stuff (the race in the end is EPIC), you’ve got all the usual teenage, non-sexual mellowdrama you’d expect from a PG movie from 1993. It also features early roles by Seth Green and Jack Black. I’ve liked a lot of Seth’s later work, but this one’s still my favorite.

Damn, I don’t even know where to go from here. I was able to watch this thanks to Netflix’s Instant watch and all kinds of youthful memories flooded back to me (the scene where he’s “surfing” on his bed, but imagining the California waves of his home? awesome). There’s also a really funny scene where Green’s trying on clothes for them to go on a double date. It’s you’re basic montage, but it’s almost identital to the one in Def By Temptation.


Anyway, I can’t recommend Airborne to everyone, but if you haven’t seen it and any of the following interest you at all, you should check it out.

Uh, huge spoiler as this is the end of the movie, but it’s AWESOME:

Anyone else unhealthily obsessed with this flick? I tried to get Em to watch it, but she kept making fun of me so I had to turn it off and finish it later.

Best Of The Best: High Fidelity (The Movie)

For a few years now I’ve been on this absorption kick, trying to watch as many new movies and TV shows, read as many new books, comics and trades and listen to as much new music as possible. And by “new” I mean new to me, not necessarily brand new. This has probably been going on since right after college. In college I didn’t have a lot of money, but I’d still check out new movies at the theater and on the rare occasion when I could rent something, so that left me to peruse my personal DVD collection and those of my friends’. Well, one movie that I saw in high school, which spurred me on to read the book and then eventually watch the movie over and over again was High Fidelity (2000).

When I first saw High Fidelity in high school I was pretty enamored with the idea of working in a record store (still am really). I also really liked the idea of Top 5 lists, discovering new music and hanging out with music nerds and musicians. It wasn’t until I read the novel that I realized how weird of a guy Rob (the main character, played by John Cusack) is. Saying the dude has relationship problems and issues with women is like saying Michael Myers is irked by promiscuous teenagers. Anyway, Em and I watched High Fidelity on the car ride back to Ohio about a month ago (well, I recited every line in my head while she watched it for the first time on our portable DVD player). It was probably the first time in three years that I watched it. I used to watch it about once a month my Junior year of college when my roommate would be away from the room at night, it was his copy, so I had to buy my own once he graduated later that year.

It’s funny how different I look at things now that I’m older. I still love all of Jack Black’s lines and still want to a own a magical record store that doesn’t go bankrupt, but I look at Rob a lot differently now. I see how damaged he is and wonder what happened to him. I’m also glad that things worked out for him by the end of the movie, but also wonder if they stuck. Maybe when he turned 40 or 50 he flipped out and went through another crazy decade or something. Basically, I’ve been thinking about how these characters that were so important to me when I was maturing, dealt with further maturation, cause this growing up stuff can really suck.

Philosophy aside, I actually got into an argument with someone in the middle of a movie for my film class in college over High Fidelity. The movie was called Mifune (1999) and is from Denmark. The main woman in the movie is taking care of her mentally handicapped brother who’s obsessed with Toshiro Mifune, an actor in many an Akira Kurosawa film. I think there was something about aliens too, but who can remember all those subtitles? Anyway, I got into an argument saying that the main female character was Laura from High Fidelity and whoever I was with was completely convinced I was wrong. Well, I went right home and IMDbed her and was right Iben Hjejle was in both, so suck it whoever that was. Knowing that, it explains a few of Laura’s vocal ticks that always made me curious.

So, I guess I haven’t really explained why I like High Fidelity so much, but I’m not really sure if I could. I don’t know how into the movie I would be if I hadn’t fallen in love with it when I was younger. It’s like, I didn’t like Reality Bites when I first saw it because I thought Ben Stiller shouldn’t have been such a pussy, but maybe if I was really into the idea of making films that would have been enough to keep me hooked. I should check Reality Bites out again actually, it’s been a while. Anyway, I used to wonder when I was in high school if I would still really like movies like Empire Records and Dazed & Confused when I got older, because I watched Fast Times at Ridgemont High with my dad one time and I don’t think he enjoyed it as much, probably because you remember things like Phoebe Cates’ boobs and not that abortion stuff. Well, luckily for me (at least so far) I still like a lot of those movies. It’s a weird combination of quality and fondness, I’m guessing, with a sliding scale depending on the flick. High Fidelity still strikes a chord with me, but I wonder if 50-year-old TJ will be reclining in his hoverchair and still enjoying watching John Cusack go through his Top 5 Break-Ups Of All Time on my holo-glasses with the same enjoyment as I do now. If not, I at least hope I’ll still remember all of Jack Black’s lines. Let’s just hope I’m not wearing a Cosby sweater while watching.

Oh, and anyone wonder how close the movie is to the book, it’s super freaking close. Like, so close they turned the book into the script word for word. Well, it’s not British, but everything else is in there, just peep the deleted scenes for scenes from the book that didn’t make it into the movie (I love the stuff with the jilted wife trying to sell her cheating husband’s record collection). There was also a musical on Broadway that I missed out on, but Ben saw, hopefully he (or anyone else who’s seen it) will comment. Hopefully next there will be a video game to continue the slow media evolution of this property. Just think of how much fun it’s be to kick the shit out of this f#cking Ian guy in a myriad of different scenarios? Get working on that Flash dudes.

Also, check out this video I just discovered on YouTube, I’ve never seen it before!