Jersey Housewives “The Chanels Of Venice”

Tonight’s episode of The Real Housewives Of New Jersey called “The Chanels Of Venice” (yes it’s supposed to be spelled like the store, not channels) was great because it mostly didn’t involve the walking mess that is Danielle. Teresa, Jacqueline and Caroline being their trip to Italy which winds up involving almost all the kids, the couples and their parents. This is the kind of thing that makes me like this show and it had almost zero Danielle drama. Hit the jump for the full live blog. 10:01pm – This is like the third or fourth episode in recent memory to start off at Teresa and Joe’s house. Jacqueline and Chris are over for dinner. Jacqueline tells us that Joe got arrested for drunk driving after having dinner with them one night and that he wasn’t drinking.

10:02pm – Meanwhile, Danny’s meeting up with Danielle to tell her that Joe got arrested for a DWI. The missus makes a good point: he’s like the new fifth housewife. Of course, this gives Danielle more ammo in the war in her head.
10:03pm – Joe’s telling Jacqueline and Chris that he was yawning and shut his eyes for just a second and hit a bunch of trees and a pole, but says he wasn’t drinking.

10:04pm – Now we’re back with Danielle who’s on her holier than though trip. Didn’t you get arrested? Maybe you should focus all that incisive character dissection on yourself.

10:05pm – So Joe was near a friend of his father’s house near the accident, goes to that guy’s house and then has some whiskey with the dude, which is why he claims it was going around that he was drunk. Not smart homeslice. Chris doesn’t look to be buying it.

10:06pm – Now Danielle’s asking why Caroline didn’t investigate Joe. What the hell is she yammering about? This woman should never be on camera again. “I’m going to keep living in the love and light they make fun of while the dark comes in upon them.” – Danielle. Ugh.

10:07pm – Caroline, Teresa and Jacqueline are getting together for lunch. They want to ditch the drama and Teresa suggests a vacation in Italy. Jacqueline’s in, Caroline needs to check with Albert.
10:08pm – Huh, Teresa and Joe’s families live in the same town in Italy, that’s wild.

10:13pm – Caroline heads over to the Brownstone to talk to Albert about the Italy trip, he doesn’t seem to like the idea.
Meanwhile, Jacqueline’s at home and has the boys dressed in Italian clothes to give Chris the hint that they want to go to Italy. Too cute.
10:14pm – Joe just wants to go with the couples, not kids.

Teresa and Joe are telling the girls that it’s only going to be couples and the girls start balling, then Teresa says they’re just kidding. Did they really sit the girls down just to mess with them? HAHAHA.

10:15pm – Caroline tells Albert that she’s not sure if the other couples’ kids are going.

Jacqueline says to Chris that Ashley won’t go, but they can bring her parents to watch the little ones.

Teresa tells Joe they should take each of their parents because they were born there.

Caroline wants to bring her parents as well. Albert says he’ll watch everything here while she goes.

10:16pm – Teresa tells the girls that daddy said “We’ll see.” Then he says they’re in

Chris says it’s a good idea.

Albert’s in too.

10:17pm – Teresa’s parents are going and are over at Teresa and Joe’s house the night before they’re leaving. Meanwhile, Teresa still needs to help the girls pack. Milania’s in her room packing. She’s super cute.

10:18pm – Before leaving, Caroline’s packing and Albert says he doesn’t pack. Her parents are definitely going. Chris and Albie come into their room and tell their dad to treat their mom right. “Every pretty girl deserves to go to a ball.” – Albie.

The missus is right, the kids are totally going to have a huge party.

10:19pm – Jacqueline’s packing. Ashley has to stay behind because she’s working to afford her attorney in the charges with Danielle. Jacqueline tells her not to have a party, turn the house into a “love shack” or mess with Danielle. We’ll see.

10:20pm – Looks like everyone’s going over to Teresa and Joe’s house to meet up. It’s 20 total people. There are way too many people to keep up with here. Caroline’s right, they’re bringing the crazy with them with this huge group.
10:22pm – A huge vase breaks and Teresa immediately blames the kids but it was Jacqueline’s mom who actually bumped into it. At least she owned up to it instead of blaming the girls, that would have been hilarious.

Joe brought wine on the party bus that takes them to the airport. Jacqueline asks which grandma will be working the stripper pole in the middle of the bus. HAHAHA.

10:26pm – So they’re going to Venice first, then on a cruise and finally ending up in Teresa and Joe’s relatives’ home town.

10:27pm – “Venice was a town that was made on water?” – Teresa. You were there, it’s not  a question.

10:28pm – Haha, Caroline says that Teresa’s going like crazy on this trip not thinking about how old some of the people involved are.

Jacqueline wants her gondola driver to sing.

10:29pm – Caroline says it’s all worth it after seeing the parents together in the place that their parents were from. She’s such a rad lady.

10:30pm – Teresa wants to go to Chanel. It looks like she’s leading the whole group on a damn death march to Chanel. She’s asking strangers in her awful American accent and keeps on going, which separates Jacqueline, Caroline and Teresa from the rest of the family.

The missus brings up a good point, why does she want to go to a French store in Italy?

10:31pm – Haha, they get to Chanel and it’s closed. The fellas, children and old people finally catch up with the housewives. Teresa buys this giant ring, Joe keeps giving her trouble. Jeez, she’s really single-minded and not in a good, productive way.

10:32pm – Haha, while on the water taxis to the cruise ship, Jacqueline’s trying to take in the view and all she can hear is Teresa asking for Joe to spank her.

10:33pm – Caroline says she doesn’t like cruises because she feels trapped.

They’re on the boat and heading up to the very top to say goodbye to Venice. This reminds me of going on a big Disney cruise last summer with my dad’s family.

10:34pm – Joe and Chris head to the cigar bar. The accident comes up again, Chris kind of tells him to think about what he does a little more “What if Teresa was in the car?” Then Chris brings up Danielle and how crazy she is. Joe agrees. Chris refers to Ashley as his daughter which is sweet.
This feels like Chris and Joe talking about whacking Danielle.

10:40pm – For some reason Jacqueline goes in and interrupts Caroline’s massage.  It’s weird. And Chris is just standing there laughing.
10:43pm – Caroline and Albert will be watching the kids while Teresa and Joe…have sex. There’s a shocker.

It’ll be interesting to see how the kids react to Caroline. Caroline isn’t too happy to be watching with the kids.

10:44pm – Meanwhile Jacqueline and Chris are taking a cooking class, which means their kids are with the grandparents. Man, what a deal for the old folks. Come on a vacation and get stuck with the kids!

10:46pm – Albert seems to be having a good time with the girls while Caroline is hollering out orders. The girls are too young to be in the hot tub, so they take them to the teen room, which they should also be too young for, but it doesn’t seem to be a problem. Caroline looks like her dog was killed, but Albert’s having a good time with the kids.
10:47pm – Jacqueline and Teresa head to the bar then the piano bar, but get distracted by chocolates and sexual innuendo along the way. Ugh, Jacqueline’s playing the piano poorly and Teresa’s…talking…the way she does in the the mic…those poor other people. How would you like to have your nice relaxing cruise interrupted by these self important people and cameras?
10:49pm – Jacqueline and Teresa are drunk and on the deck of the boat alone. That seems dangerous.

The next morning it’s Milania’s birthday. Milania wakes Joe up with an “I’m four!”

10:51pm – The next day Jacqueline’s wrecked from the mojitos and blames it on sea sickness.

10:52pm – This doesn’t look like much of a kid’s birthday party. They’re at a nice restaurant on the boat eating nice pasta and then there’s a big cake, but she’s passed out and cries when they wake her up. She’s a kid, not an adult, Teresa.

10;53pm – She keeps saying “I don’t want it.” Poor kid just wanted to go to a Chuck E Cheese probably.

10:57pm – Caroline asks what to watch out for in Naples and one of the old people says “the mafioso.” Meanwhile, Jacqueline’s still feeling it in the room. Girl, you’re still hung over, it’s not the boat. Her older son’s hurting too though, which is too bad.

10:58pm – Caroline and Chris awkwardly bring up Jacqueline and Danielle without mentioning Danielle. It’s weird.

“We’re not perfect, but we’re perfect for each other.” – Caroline.

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