UPDATE: Now with complete sentences! Sorry, I posted then went right to bed last night. The show took a lot out of me.
This was an incredibly awkward episode with host–and apparently Bravo big wig producer–Andy Cohen trying to fit in lighthearted montages and audience questions while keeping Teresa and Jacqueline from jumping on Danielle both figuratively and literally. The whole thing was super awkward and tense, but pretty much what you’d expect. At least they didn’t break it up into three parts like the New York one last season. This time it was just a few minutes longer.
10:01pm – It’s reunion time. Things is bout to get CRAAAAAZY. Andy’s introducing everyone. Yawn. Caroline lost 25 pounds. Damn, you look good, girl! Danielle looks crazy as you might expect.
10:02pm – Andy’s ragging on Jersey Shore, asking if they watch. Teresa says she doesn’t like it because a girl hooked up with a guy after one night. She says she doesn’t like that and then turns that into an insult against Danielle, straight up accusing her of sleeping with that Steve guy in front of her kids apparently. Then Jacqueline jumps in too. He corrals them back, but I don’t think this is going to work for him.
10:04pm – Ugh, instead of just letting them fight, Andy goes into one of those “look how they mispronounce things” montages. It’s basically Teresa and Danielle. Danielle gets called out for saying woman as the plural for woman. Ugh.
10:05pm – Now we’re looking at Teresa and Jacqueline’s babies. Even when these nice things are being shown, I’m still feeling super SUPER tense, like Danielle’s going to do something crazy, or one of the other women will and they’ll get in trouble.
10:07pm – Danielle gets asked why she didn’t call Jacqueline after her baby was born. She says it was because Jacqueline said in a publication she didn’t want her around her baby. Apparently they made peace.
10:08pm – Teresa says that Danielle definitely is the reason why Dina left.
10:09pm – Andy asks what the thing from the last reunion referenced between Dina and Danielle. Danielle says that she was accused of calling child services to get her daughter taken away. Caroline says they need to stop talking about it and tells Danielle not to talk about Dina. Apparently Danielle’s attorneys slapped a gag order on Dina so she couldn’t talk about either this case or Danielle in general, it’s hard to tell with all the shouting.
10:11pm – Whoa, Teresa gets right off her couch and gets right in Danielle’s face screaming and swearing at her about not bringing her family up after Danielle asks about Teresa’s nephew. The missus said they silenced whatever Danielle said, but I was typing so I missed it. Danielle ran off the set. Teresa threw Andy off of her, it’s CRAZY!
10:16pm – Danielle’s standing behind the scenes still talking shit. Caroline’s trying to calm Teresa down, saying she’s giving Danielle what she wants. Danielle says she’s not getting back on stage because Teresa got too close.
10:17pm – Teresa is screaming for Andy to get Danielle back on the stage. Andy’s telling her she can’t get off the couch again. It’s hard to take him serious.
10:18pm – Ugh, now we have to see Danielle talking to her stylists. She’s such a damn drama queen. She should really call her energist in. She absolutely knows when the cameras are on her.
10:19pm – Caroline said that Danielle’s girlfriend had to be held back by people once shit went down.
10:20pm – Danielle comes back out and Andy gets back to talking about the babies. Jacqueline says Danielle took her to the first appointment and nothing else, but Danielle keeps saying she did take her to a lot more appointments. Caroline jumps in and keeps things on track.
10:21pm – Gah, they keep making snarky comments. Andy brings up the poll about which would be the best mom. Caroline won and Danielle came in last. Andy asks her how she feels about that and then Jacqueline jumps in and throws in a comment about Danielle’s ex.
10:25pm – Now they’re focusing in on Caroline.
10:27pm – Now she’s crying. She says Albie’s having trouble getting all his credits transferred.
10:29pm – Ugh, now they’re talking about Caroline shaving her face.
10:30pm – Someone asks if its hypocritical for Caroline to rag on Danielle for being a stripper and still support Chris’ desire to open a stripper car wash. She says she doesn’t have a problem with strippers at all or prostitutes. I think what happened was that Caroline was referring to Danielle referring to herself as a burlesque dancer or something like that in a previous episode.
Gah, they deliberately include footage of Teresa and Danielle’s daughters getting into modeling and then throw in Danielle making fun of Teresa’s daughters.
10:32pm – Andy goes back to the dogs/leopard print comment. Danielle says it was just a comment. The other women jump on her. Danielle says she was not comparing the girls to dogs. She’s nuts. I hope she’s gone after this season.
10:33pm – Andy asks if Caroline regrets saying Danielle’s girls have a blank stare, she says no and basically repeats her sentence.
Now Jacqueline asks Danielle if she knows her daughters are crying in school all the time because they’re getting teased.
10:34pm – Andy asks if Danielle thinks she tells her kids too much, she, of course, says no.
10:38pm – Andy asks if it’s really an Italian custom that women having their periods are supposed to stay away from the sauce, she also says it’s supposed to apply to making wine.
10:39pm – Ouch, now there’s a montage of Teresa’s shopping sprees. Then they throw in the DWI thing with Joe, which has nothing to do with money. Then into more financial stuff, including the pizzeria.
10:41pm – Teresa once again says that their house is not in foreclosure. He then asks about their 11 million dollar bankruptcy and huge credit card debt. She keeps saying no, that the story he’s quoting from isn’t 100% correct. Then Teresa says that Joe kept her in the dark. She commends him for protecting her from all the crazy debt. She’s not mad at him, but she wishes he would have told her.
10:43pm – Andy keeps asking about the house. She says she’s not worried about it and just trying to keep things positive.
10:44pm – Now she’s talking about Joe’s accident. They say he wasn’t drunk while driving, but fell asleep, then he went in and got drunk at a nearby friend’s house.
Andy asks Danielle what she thinks, she just says she’s glad no one got hurt, but also says it’s hard to believe that you’d get drunk after a car accident.
10:49pm – Andy asks if Danielle considers herself a troublemaker and she says she thinks sometimes she is. Then they show a montage of her being crazy. It also brings Danny up.
10:51pm – Andy asks how Danielle knows Danny. Jacqueline asks if Danny’s wife knew about them hanging out. He was filing for a divorce during the first few appearances. She says she’s not with him, never has been and doesn’t hang out with him, just films with him. That’s weird.
10:53pm – He asks about her being a born again virgin. She says she was abstaining, but isn’t anymore. This has to be a lead-in to Andy asking if she’s with the lesbian superstar. She, of course, is being routinely vague. She’s clearly playing a game and Caroline calls Andy on letting this cutesy bullshit continue.
10:54pm – She says she plays a character that’s created thanks to editing. Caroline says blaming editing is a cop out and it’s only responsible for 1% of the stuff on screen.
10:55pm – Now Andy’s quoting a harsh blog post that Danielle wrote about Caroline in response to Caroline’s comment about her stripping. Caroline comes back with, basically, I’m happy with my husband, kids and life.
10:56pm – Andy brings up the sex tapes (apparently there’s two). Steve is actually suing Danielle for defamation of character. He asks if her legal fees are high and she says yes, that she pays for them through the show and her book.
10:57pm – She claims that she’s not making money off of the sex tape that was actually released. She was offered to pay for it not to be released and says she couldn’t afford it. Andy says that a third party filmed it and Danielle says no. Jacqueline says she saw part of it and it does look like a third party presentation.
Danielle says it was a private tape. Andy says he hasn’t seen it, but that someone’s shooting it.
10:59pm – Teresa asks when it was filmed. She says it was a long time ago. Caroline says she read an article where Danielle said it was last August. Andy says he heard it then too. Teresa says she thought it was a bad example for her kids, Danielle asks if she’s kidding her and then Teresa blows up again.
11:00pm – Andy asks how Danielle’s girls are coping with all this. She thinks they’ve been shielded from the show. Then she says it’s as much as she could. Now she’s saying they were very offended by Caroline saying they didn’t have any light in their eyes. But how did they hear about it? Caroline keeps asking her the question, but Danielle dodges it. She’s back tracking again now, saying that for the most part, they don’t know what’s going on.
10:06pm – A viewer asks why Danielle says Caroline’s in the mafia, but then hangs out with gangsters and called her clothing line Danielle’s Mafia. She responds. Caroline then says something like “I want your autograph, you’re perfect,” sarcastically. Note, she avoids the part of the question that makes her look bad.
10:10pm – Ah, we’ll be ending the show with footage of Danielle going to the Brownstone. I’m guessing, since it’s so late, this will be the end of the show and the beginning of the next.
11:12pm – Andy says the father of the kid says that Danielle still hasn’t donated any money. She says she’s collected the promise of $6,000, but hasn’t given any real money. Caroline won’t let Danielle try to move on. She’s getting all up in Danielle’s grill verbally, not physically.
Damn, looks like the next episode will be pretty crazy. Looks fun and awkward.