Live Blogging Never Back Down

Sometimes you need a pallet cleanser. I’m not even talking about a quality pallet cleanser because, as you can tell from some of my recent posts. But, between the horror movies and the stuff I’ve barely been paying attention to, I wanted to watch something kinda dumb and Never Back Down fit the bill perfectly. The basic idea is that Jake moves from Iowa to Florida where he’s attending a rich kid school. And, what do rich kids do at parties aside from watching girls make out in a hot tub and drink? Why they fight of course. Jake has some anger issues because his dad got drunk one night and insisted on driving he and Jake home only to crash and die. I can almost guarantee you’ve seen this movie before. It’s a typical sports or dance-fight movie where the reprehensible villain makes mincemeat out of the hero early on so the hero trains to get better and wreck shop. Uh, I guess that might be a spoiler, but it really shouldn’t be. Anyway, away we go after the jump with the live blogging. Oh, also, any reference to “blondie” is the male villain, not the girl. If you read it as the girl I come off like a real jerk.

*Why are they moving? Is it the middle of the school year? Where were they living?

*Jake’s hair is terrible.

*Hey that’s the version of the Iliad I have.

*Ah, they moved because his bro got a tennis scholarship to…where? He’s like 10.

*Ooh, a gay best friend and a bitch.

*”Tired of living out of boxes Jake? Why don’t you try unpacking?” – Mom.

*Good use of tech – videos being watched online and on phones.

*The idea of a school where fighting = football is amazingly ridiculous to me.

*I bet this is going to be a fighting party.

*Huh, he doesn’t drink. Oh, duh, it’s cause his pops was a drunk.

*I think there’s the same number of people at this party as went to my school.

*Yup, fight party.

*Who would have thought the blonde dude would be a douche?

*Dude, the title of the movie is Never Back Down, so, you know, stop backing down.

*Oh shit, blondie mentioned Jake’s dad. That’s like calling McFly a chicken.

*Come on dude!

*Is blondie played by a descendant of Billy Zabka?

*This is turning into Cool Hand Luke.

*It’s hilarious that everyone at the party is into this. It’s not just like a handful of weirdoes, EVERYONE wants to see blood. Maybe this is how high schools are now. Reason number 5,394 why I’m scared of having kids.

**So, the curly haired kid (Max) acts like Jake’s friend, then tries to embarrass him at the party, then helps him home. Weird relationship.

*Jake reminds me of Tom Cruise a bit.

*Djimon just invoked the title!

*The pretty girl is smart? Wha?! That can’t happen!

*The dude playing Jake (Sean Faris) used to be on Undressed!

*Huh, the girl in this was Seth Rogen’s high school girlfriend in Pineapple Express (Amber Heard).

*Training montage!

*So she actually is blondie’s girlfriend?

*I hope Jake not only kicks blondie’s ass but somehow takes all of his parents’ money. That would be awesome.

*”The only time you’re happy is when you’re hurting people.” – Girl to blondie

*Haha, blondie thinks that the girl being with him “made her.” Yeah, like no one would have noticed the super hot blonde girl. Well maybe not, there do seem to be a lot of them in this rich Florida high school.

*He dodged a car in the middle of a fight and kept fighting! Djimon won’t be happy. He’s not supposed to be fighting outside the gym.

*You can get arrested for this shit right? Is it smart to post video of your friend beating the shit out of some dudes?

*Woah, that wake boarding spinning thing looks awesome.

*Ew, they’re fighting in a bathroom. Gross.

*Haha, the site’s called realfights4real.com. Redundant much? I tried and the link isn’t live.

*He’s back in with Djimon, that means we’re getting another training montage.

*I wonder if they ever hit the camera when they were chucking cinder blocks.

*Jake and the girl’s weird play fighting is creeping me out.

*Haha, blondie’s dad just wants to be one of the gang! I hope terrible things happen to him.

*Don’t fall for it Max, it’s a trap!

*You’re all accessories to a crime, blondie’s friends. It’s not okay to stand there while someone beats the shit out of a guy.

*Damn, Max looks like a zombie.

*Good use of Kanye’s terrible song “Stronger.”

*Yeah, he put his dad’s shirt on!

*Oh snap, it’s the night of the Beatdown too! Fate has smiled on us.

*No eye gouges, crotch shots or biting.

*”Woah, kick to the FACE!” – announcer. Thanks for the spot on commentary.

*Yech, blondie’s entry song is Soulja Boy.

*Oh, the tricked me, the enemies aren’t fighting just yet (I was thinking that was a little early, we haven’t even gotten a full on fighting montage yet…here it is).

*It’d be kind funny if blondie didn’t even make it to fight Jake. Kind of anti climactic.

*Dak-Ho looks like Rufio.

*Haha, blondie got disqualified, just like I thought.

*Now they’ll have to take it to the streets.

*There’s a lot of similarities between this movie and Step Up 2 The Streets.

*Haha, what a fickle audience, the abandoned the fight inside for the one outside. They’re even doing the “circle the cars for light thing.”

*Damn, blondie keeps going for those busted ribs. Not cool.

*Haha, my NetBox just kicked resolution up to full for the last 10 minutes.

*Oh man, blondie, you’re giving him time to think about events from the movie, he’s gonna tear you up now!

*That kick to the face was amazing. You can almost smell the brain injury on blondie.

*Blondie respects him now!

*Djimon’s gonna go see his dad.

*Max has a girl who likes him.

*Everything’s gonna be…okay.

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