Hey, I didn’t realize that tonight was going to be a Jersey Shore two-parter. Hit the jump for the live blog of the first episode. It’s a good one. I’m working on the second part right now!*Oh jeez, we’re being subjected to the bullshit between Sammi and Ronnie again.

*Now Sammi’s asking Mike and Pauly if they have a problem with her and Ronnie because they hang out with themselves all the time.

*Haha, Snooki’s getting the “family meeting” she wanted late at night while half the group is drunk. Good idea all around.

*It was an off the cuff comment at a bar! Ugh.

*Haha, now Sammi thinks that it’s because JWOWW and Snooki are jealous. Why the hell are they making such a big deal about it? Ronnie almost killed a dude the previous day. She just wants to hang out with you retards for some reason.

*Hopefully that nonsense is over now. Now, the dudes are all out at a club and Pauly’s spinning. Uh-oh, Vinnie’s hanging out with the girl he was with that he stole from his boss.

*Haha, Snooki’s talking to a guy that’s not her type = pale, blonde, Irish, a farmer. Hilarious.

*Aww, Mike’s holding this chick’s hand and they’re getting drunk in the hot tub, though she still has he clothes on.

*Haha, now Snooki is babbling like a drunken freak to the farmer.

*”I’ve been with goats, sheep, horses…” Snooki. Hehe.

*While Mike’s getting banged in the hot tub, Vinny’s hanging out with the older chick in the hammock. Then Snooki comes and is all loud and blows up his spot.

*HAHA, ah shit. Mike’s trying to walk his girl downstairs and she totally biffed.

*Now, Snooki’s making out with the farmer, but they didn’t screw and she doesn’t know why.

*Oh yeah, Mike’s girl said she needed to be up by 7AM and now her friend is knocking on the door like crazy.

*Haha, Mike’s girl missed her first day at work and her family’s freaking out. Hilarious.

*Now Mike’s giving Vinny shit for being on the

*”Bro, you’re 27 years old, I don’t want to be like you when I’m 27.” – Vinny RE: Mike

*Haha, now Vinny’s looking to hook up with Mike’s sister to piss him off.

*Oh my God Sammi’s away from Ronnie for five minutes and freaks out! Meanwhile, he’s talking to a girl, then Mike goes and points that out to Sammi and she’s pissed.

*Now Ronnie’s pissed at Sammi for listening to Mike and at Mike for telling her stuff. Wow.

*Okay, now Pauly’s hooking up. And Vinny’s with Mike’s sister. Uh oh, the older chick just showed up. Hah, so he just ditches Mike’s sister.

*I do feel bad for Mike’s sister though, that’s too bad.

*”Vinny knows I’m the man of the house.” – Mike. Yeah, cause you’re the oldest bro.

*Haha, now Vinny’s making out with Mike’s sister while Mike’s watching…weird.

*Pauly’s trying to hook up with the Jewish girl who straight up says she can’t have sex until she’s married.

*Gah! Why do Ronnie and Sammi make such a big deal about all this stupid shit?

*Whoa, weird, Mike sister just said she wanted to sleep in the same bed as her brother and then goes and gets in bed with Vinny.

*Now they’re going to head down to Atlantic City. Haha, as soon as they get there, everyone but Snooki falls asleep. So she takes a gigantic bubble bath and has about as much luck working that as she did the duck phone.

*I think Mike and maybe all Guidos are very feminine. All the grooming, all the tanning, the obsession with clothes. And the dude ends up wearing an Ed Hardy shirt.

*It’s pretty epic how insecure and lame Mike is. He keeps saying how much ammo he has to make fun of everyone.

*Now Mike makes a fat joke at Snooki’s expense. That’s jacked up. Mike sucks.

*”Mike didn’t even have the audacity to go after her and apologize.” – Sammi. She needs to learn what words mean.

*Gah, now Snooki’s crying over Mike. What a jagoff. Snooki had weight problems and shit, that’s not cool.

*Haha, Snooki totally took a header onto a couch they were dancing on.

*Now she’s getting all up on some dude.

*Meanwhile, Vinny’s getting with this girl and has to go to the bathroom so Mike slips in and pulls a “robbery.” I’m learning all kinds of new words.

*JWOWW gets sick and then asks Mike to take her back to the room while she’s got Vinny’s sloppy seconds on his lap. She wanted him to walk him back to the room, but he refuses. She hits him and gets kicked out. Mike’s a punk.

*Why is Vinny pulling Snooki away from that dude? Wait, he’s probably a creep.

*I love Vinny giving Mike shit for sloppy seconds. I’m glad he’s coming out of his shell.

*Damn, now JWOWW comes out of nowhere hitting Mike.

*Oh Mike, lets be honest, you’re not hooking up with girls every night. If the show is any indicator, you’re striking out left right and center.

*Man, she socked him good in the face. They’ll show this a thousand times, but shy away from the Snooki punch.