Jersey Shore (a.k.a. Real World Jersey) Before The Shore

Just when I think I’m out, MTV pulls me back in with a Jersey Shore clip show called Before The Shore. See, what they did with this one is put together footage of everyone before they went down to the Shore in their elements. Usually this kind of footage is just used in the beginning of the first episode when they’re introducing the characters and maybe for intros and that kind of thing, but this time, MTV turned it into a full half hour show for people like me who should probably find something better to do with their time to watch. Here are the highlightsL

Pauly’s barber put a benchpress in the basement for him to work out on while he waits to get his hair cut (so he claims). He also wants to take his home tanning bed with him, but can’t figure out how to pack it.

Snooki’s from right across the river from me in a place called Poughkeepsie (pronounced pa-kip-see). Her footage makes me dislike her because she’s just talking shit about how awesome she is and I’ve come to know her as an incredibly fragile person with gigantic insecurities. Watching her play beer pong with her dad is pretty funny though.

Hey look, we get to see Ronnie how he really is: a giant douche bag. All he talks about with “Robbie’s bros” is smushing, hooking up with girls and ditching them like playthings. And what does he do on the show? Get with a girl right away, fall for her and get his heart ripped out on national television on the reunion episode. Well done jerkwad. Oh, also, he drives while pumping one of those hand weights that everyone’s dads had in the 80s. I didn’t even know they still made them honestly.

Speaking of people who come off worse in the footage than on the show, we then have Sammi, who also talks her shit and just comes off like a bitch. Seeing her mom bust out the fist pump is pretty funny though.

JWOWW talks her fair share of shit, but it doesn’t bother me for some reason. Maybe it’s because she was like that the whole way through and wasn’t just talking a big game.

Vinny is even more of a momma’s boy than I thought. She cuts his meat! She also gets teary eyed when he leaves, but my mom would do the same. On the weirdish side, he says he’s picky about girls because he thinks it would be really hard for a girl to live up to his mother.

Mike is just like JWOWW, the same in his pre-show footage as on the show.

Ugh, Angelina. Shut up.

The episode ends with a compilation of confessional footage with everyone talking about each other. I personally love Vinny’s Pauly impression. Good stuff. Now it’s time to pre-order the DVDs!

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