Jersey Housewives “Your Naples Are Showing”

Tonight’s episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey wasn’t all that interesting. I know I’ve been saying that the show would be much better without Danielle, but I’m not sure if spending 75% of an episode showing the Italian bound members of the cast and their families talking to people in a small Naples town that no one’s heard of. The other 25% has Danielle getting the ball rolling on finding her biological mother and, as you might expect, being a total weirdo about the whole thing. Hit the jump for the whole live blog. 10:01pm – We’re picking up at the end of the cruise. Caroline’s glad to get to Naples and off the boat. She did say last episode that she doesn’t like cruises. Meanwhile, Joe’s fumbling with all of Teresa’s luggage (there’s a LOT).

10:03pm – I was wondering why Joe was taking the baggage off the boat, usually on cruises they take your bags off for you. Apparently they were paranoid about something going missing.
Caroline says she’s annoyed because of Teresa’s kids. They don’t seem to be the most well behaved children in the world.

10:04pm – Jesus, Teresa thinks the Naples volcano (which either erupted hundreds and hundreds of years ago or 60 years ago) has smoke coming out of it, but it’s clouds. I think it’s Vesuvius.

10:05pm – Caroline wishes her parents had taught them Italian. She’d also like to go to Pompeii, but doesn’t think this is the group to do it with.

10:07pm – Deep sigh. We’re back with Danielle. She’s talking to her daughters about her mom. The girls really don’t look like they give a shit. So, she didn’t want her kids to know she was looking for her biological mom until she found her. That seems kinda weird.

10:09pm- It’s crazy how together her kids are and yet she gives Christine shit for saying ass because she’s “too beautiful and too spiritual.” What? Then she asks her daughters to “explode it” which they clearly don’t want to do.

10:14pm – Caroline and Chris seem to be enjoying themselves in Naples with their parents.

10:15pm – They all go to some place that’s supposed to be the best pizza in the world. It does look pretty damn good.

Haha, they’re making fun of Teresa, asking if all her family wears leopard print.

10:16pm – Their family lives on a big mountain. Joe moved to the states when he was 1 with his folks. Jacqueline’s concerned about the old people and kids getting up the mountain.

10:17pm – Ugh, Danny’s at Danielle’s. How does he know the other women went to Italy? Is he casing their houses? This is weird. Danielle will not go to a certain restaurant in Franklin Lakes because it’s where the other women live. Also, she doesn’t pronounce panini correctly.

10:19pm – She says she doesn’t feel safe with her kids walking around Franklin Lakes. Ugh. She also wished another Titanic on their cruise. That’s not okay.

Danny says something about one of Ashley’s friends coming up to him and asking if he needs anything? I have no idea what that’s supposed to mean.

10:20pm – Everyone’s cranky in Italy. They got charged a lot for their rooms or something. Joe’s swearing like crazy asking them to turn the bus on because it’s hot. Jacqueline said it was a non stop bitch fest. Jesus, Joe won’t shut up.

10:23pm – I’m with Caroline, it’s hilarious that Joe’s yelling and bitching and moaning and then saying they need to go and be civilized.

10:26pm – The bus can’t even get up the hill everyone lives on. Chris and Teresa’s parents stayed behind with Teresa and Joe’s baby. Haha, Teresa’s wearing high heel boots to make this trek.
10:27pm – Whoa, Teresa and Joe own her dad’s old house, but it needs fixing up. This looks like a freaking death march up the hill.

10:29pm – Everyone’s getting introduced and Joe’s grandmother’s there. She’s 83, but she looks great. Wow, she’s got 23 grandchildren.

10:30pm – Danielle’s meeting with a private investigator who’s name is actually Jimmy O’Conner. Sounds like a mystery novel hero.

Jesus, she can’t even say “ethnicity” correctly.

10:32pm – “I’m not looking to be anything but part of a family.” – Danielle. She then says she won’t bring her mother into her life if she’s an addict or homeless. Oh, also, she won’t be the one who goes and knocks on mom’s door. Oi. He says it’ll be hard to track mom down because there’s not much information and she was so young.

10:33pm – Sorry Teresa, I don’t buy that you misspeak because you didn’t learn English until kindergarten.

Caroline feels awkward because she doesn’t speak Italian and all these people obviously do. There’s so many introductions and cheeks being kissed.

10:35pm – Wow, the food looks amazing!
10:39pm – Joe’s way too entertained by the fact that they’re in a pig slaughter house.

10:42pm – It’s really not that interesting watching a lot of people we don’t know being introduced in a foreign language to people.

10:43pm – Haha, Caroline and Jacqueline are eating pasta in a stranger’s house.

10:45pm – They’re heading back down the hill. Teresa and Joe seem to be arguing the whole way down.
10:46pm – Joe’s mom tells Jacqueline that she and her husband walked all the way down the hill in and out of every house and into the church when they got married. That’s nice. Then she points out where Joe was born.

10:48pm – Ugh, we’re back to Danielle. The PI calls her and she says her heart sinks. It’s going to take some time to get the files because her mom was a minor. It’s going to take some time to look at the files.

Now she’s just rambling cliches.

10:51pm – Back in Italy, they’re having one big last dinner where the town gets to meet Audriana. Jeez, it’s kind of shitty that Teresa’s parents staid back with the baby when this is their hometown. I gotta disagree with Teresa, the matching outfits (custom ordered) her girls are wearing look ridic.
10:56pm – Everyone’s home. Caroline and Albert get home and it looks like there weren’t any problems.

10:57pm – Teresa, Joe and the girls are back too.

10:58pm – And now we see Jacqueline back home. She’s worried about stepping back into the drama with Ashley and Danielle.

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