Jersey Shore Season 3 Premiere (aka Episode 1)

You’d think that, since they’re changing the format of your average reality show, the Jersey Shore producers might change the format of how first episodes kick off, but that’s not the case. Like every other reality series of this kind, we had to sit through 20 or so minutes of the cast just before and during their travels down to the location, which in this case is the same house we saw in the first season, complete with obligatory Scarface poster and infamous duck phone. The only legitamite reason for showing us this nonsense is to introduce us to Snooki’s friend Deena who happens to be the replacement for the ridiculously awful Angelina. Here’s the lowdown: she’s exactly like Snooki. That’s about it. We’re also told that JWOWW and her boyfriend Tom who live together on Long Island have been having troubles. We can also imply that everyone’s doing a lot better financially this year than they were last year because most of them are driving pretty nice cars. Oh, the walking talking anal fissure that is Ronnie and Sammi are still together as well. For even more, hit the jump.In an effort to solidify themselves as useless, boring, spiteful assholes, Sammi and Ronnie get to the house first and claim the upstairs room which happens to have three beds. Each of them grab one and Sammi says they’re cool with anyone joining them in the room, but considering there’s still bad blood between them and JWOWW and Snooki and none of the single guys want to be saddled in a room with Sammi (apparently they don’t mind hooking up in front of other dudes, but feel weird about doing it in front of a girl, what gentlemen) I sincerly doubt anyone wants to bunk with them. JWOWW shows up next and scoffs in disgust when she sees Sammi in the big room upstairs after Ronnie ditched his girlfriend after the two ran up there when they saw JWOWW struggling up the stairs with her suitcase. Vinny gets there next and grabs a room with two beds, Pauly’s after him and claims the second bed. Snooki and Deena appear next and get in JWOWW’s room which has three beds, leaving Mike stuck in a room with the worst couple in the history of time. As you might expect, the roommates are a bit taken aback by Deena’s appearance. According to Snooks, she just invited Deena down to be on the show. They also didn’t seem to know if Angelina would be showing up or not. So, the general reaction to Deena by most of the roomies was a kind of “whoa weird, okay cool” except Sammi who treated her with the kind of disdain usually reserved for someone who has been convicted of pushing your grandma down the stairs. But Sammi doesn’t save her awkwardness just for the newbie and spreads it around like a fine manure. The rest of the roommates are all sitting around having fun at the dinner table and what does Sammi do (that’s her on the far left above)? Just walks out of the room. Classy. After that we get treated to one of MTV’s beautifully crafted back-and-forths between Ronnie and Sammi sitting in their room looking bored and snide respectively and the rest of the roommates having fun playing flip cup outside (though Deena called it “flip the cup” repeatedly, which was annoying). Being the overwrought, dramatic person she makes herself, Sammi turns to Ronnie and asks what he would do in her place. He doesn’t answer that question, but does say he loves her. She responds by asking him why, a question the rest of us are asking ourselves too. It’s the same shit with these two morons EVERY SINGLE TIME. Anyway, flipcup morphs into hot tub time for Vinny, Snooki and Deena. Snooki doesn’t like how well Deena and Vinny seem to be getting along and tells the camera that if they hook up, she’s done with him. Out of this comes an interesting reveal: Vinny smooshed Snooki’s friend Ryder who appeared last season on episodes 11 and 12. It didn’t happen during taping, but a few weeks previous to this episode and Snooki happened to walk in on it which really pissed her off. Snooki and Vinny talk a little and she tries getting all up on his junk, but Vinny stops it. He says he cares about her and doesn’t want her to be pissed if he goes out and hooks up with someone the next day. I got a little confused, but I THINK Vinny might have been saying that he’d be down for dating Snooki, but only if there was some exclusivity. It’s hard to tell because they’re drunk and I’m trying to take notes, but I got that impression. Who knows?Because she apparently hadn’t caused enough of a ruckus yet (oh, boy, is that not the case), Deena starts telling Mike about this cowboy hat she has that says “Blast In A Glass” on it. Is that a saying? I’ve never heard it before, though I heard it a million times tonight. Anyway, without being sneaky in the least, Mike and Deena talk about finding this hat, but it really sounds like foreplay. Deena finds the hat and then decides to show off her bikini body to Mike, but winds up “accidentally” removing her bottoms. You can see his mugging reaction above. She gets understandably embarrassed and leaves the room with him saying it’s just between them. Of course, when they get back to the patio he immediately tells Pauly and JWOWW what happened. Mike heads upstairs to tell Ronnie and Sammi what happened and possibly go to bed, but Deena’s wondering where everyone is and wants to cuddle with someone. She asks Mike, but he’s not really into it. When she gets shut down, Sammi laughs at her which really doesn’t sit well with Deena. On her way down the stairs, Deena calls Sammi the C-word, which the upstairs folks can still hear. Deena continues to go off on how rude Sammi is. Eventually Mike goes downstairs and everyone but Ronnie and Sammi are in attendance to see Deena in action. It’s not until she says something about Ronnie that he gets up out of his bed and rushes down to yell at Deena. I got the feeling watching it that he really wanted to yell at Sam, but that could just be me hoping that he’d realize the error of his ways. He told her she’s new and shouldn’t come into his house and talk smack. I love that he calls a place he spent a summer “his house.” Friggin’ meathead. I LOVE this picture. It really encapsulates Sammi’s chihuahua-like nature. Not only does she yip incessantly, but also acts like she’s better than you at all times (I’m not the only one who gets that vibe from those dogs, am I?). My weird feelings about dog breeds aside, Sammi sat at literal opposition to Deena, Sammi and JWOWW. As soon as the Deena/Sammi stuff died down, then Snooki started talking mad smack to Sammi, basically calling her a bitch over and over. Side note, Sammi’s argumentative style seems to focus solely on repeating whatever her opponent is saying to her back at them, which is, needless to say, not very effective. She’s not mean or vicious enough to know how to go in for the kill, so it usually ends like most grade school fights with both people just walking away mocking one another in stupid voices. Out of nowhere, Snooki drops a BOMB, that turned out to not be true, but as she noted, Ronnie didn’t say it was BS. Snooks said that Ronnie’s mom was constantly calling her and asking why her son was with a bitch like Sammi. Ronnie called Snooks a “nobody from Poughkeepsie” (which is only 20 minutes from where I live by the way). This sets JWOWW off running into a fight with Sammi, nose to nose. If memory serves, Sammi thought about punching JWOWW but pulled back mid-punch, but JWOWW went in full-boat and slugged her awkwardly. This lead to a series of punches thrown, though few landed. Vinny got up to try and break things up and we’re left with the end of the episode.

I think it’s really interesting to see a weirdly unique show like this. Most of the roommates know one another, which adds an interesting dynamic. Then you’ve got the addition of a new roommate which adds just enough drama. On top of the roommate familiarity, they also know the house itself along with the location. I think the most interesting aspect of the season will be to see how this self-proclaimed family progresses through yet another summer of being filmed. I never bought the fact that these people felt like family, though I guess that all depends on how well you get along with your relatives. Looks like they’ve broken up into factions which, according to the “this season on” clip” will be changing themselves as there’s yet another Sammi/Ronnie blow-up in the near future (hopefully sooner rather than later assuming they’re actually “done” this time for real). We shall see!

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