If tonight’s episode had a message it would be this: Sammi is awful. The missus and I spent most of the episode wondering why she even bothered coming back for this season if she was planning on just moping around and wanting to only hang out with Ronnie. Isn’t that the same as staying home?! Ugh. She’s the worst. We pick up right where last week’s episode left off with Sammi and JWOWW fighting. I was confused last week, but Sammi definitely acted like she was going to punch first which made JWOWW swing. She missed, but they got into a hair pulling match. Looks like some big burly producers had to come in to separate them and Sammi walked away with a clump of JWOWW’s hair. I thought it was interesting that Ronnie didn’t even try to separate them. Ronnie and Sammi head up to their room while Snooki and Deena decide to drink more.The next day, things start off weirdly as Mike walks around everyone’s rooms eating a bowl of cereal and asking how everyone’s doing. Once they get up, the boys and Sammi head to the gym while Deena, JWOWW and Snooks go tanning. Deena notes that Sammi is constantly following Ronnie around. It’s probably a mix of her not having anyone else to talk to and her worrying he’ll cheat if he even wanders out of her sight. Being the wonderful editors they are, the producers overlay Deena’s “human backpack” comparison while we see Sammi seemingly staring at Ron while he lifts and then sidling up right next to him. That night before going out there’s some joking around between Vinny and Pauly about “the new girl” and whether her boobs and butt are real. I don’t believe we get an answer from her. Vinny also heads upstairs to ask Ronnie and Sammi if they’re going out to the club with them. You can tell Ronnie does, but Sammi does NOT.
The gang goes out and seems to have a good time, though Snooki and JWOWW head home early. JWOWW calls her boyfriend Tom up super smashed and complaining about losing a piece of jewelry. He didn’t seem interested in talking to her which upset her and then, before hanging up on her, says something like “Happy anniversary to you too.” She completely forgot. Here’s my question (the missus’ really), why didn’t he come down and celebrate with her? I’m not taking the blame off her at all, but why didn’t they make plans to hang out since it’s not like he’s that far away. She tries calling back, but he doesn’t pick up. We don’t see her attempt to make contact with him or even mention this the rest of the episode.Back at the club, Vinny’s got himself a stalker. This girl keeps following him around the club. When he calls her on it to her face, she says that’s ridiculous and then continues to follow him around. He eventually ditched her (maybe they got her thrown out?) and seemed to be doing pretty well with these three girls. I mention that because, once it’s time to leave, he’s only got one and Mike’s got none. Vinny heads home with the girl, but Mike seems to think it’s going to be a group thing even though this is clearly Vinny’s girl. While Mike (who is super drunk) does something next to his bed, Vinny takes the girl into the guest room and locks the door leaving the so-drunk-he’s-slurring Mike outside still trying to get in. He then heads downstairs where Deena mentions that she’d hook up with him, but Mike doesn’t seem to take this seriously. Now that I think about it, they don’t mention that girl again after that either. Seems like a LOT of dropped plot threads this episode.The next morning Ronnie and Sammi get up and go to church. He’s wearing a blinged out shirt and she’s in a tank top and exercise pants. While I’m sure that’s perfectly acceptable on the Shore (I think I should get credit for not going for a Jersey joke here) I guess I’m old fashioned because I think you should make yourself look nice when going to church, not like you’re going to the club or the gym. But hey, that’s just me. As the other roommates wake up, they’re none too pleased because the dud duo took one of the two cars without saying anything to anyone. They all pile into one car and go tanning. When they get back they start cooking the Sunday Dinner, wondering if Ron and Sam will be back for the meal. One of them points out that no one’s ever missed Sunday Dinner before and Pauly said that it’s when people come to squash things and them not showing up makes it seem like they don’t care. In fact, once they return, Sammi said she could care less about family dinner which did not sit well with Vinny or Pauly. I’ve always laughed at the idea that these goobers consider themselves family, but it’s clearly wearing thin with some of them. Earlier in the episode Ronnie told Mike he’d had enough with “the family shit.”In case you were wondering, yes they’re working for the T-shirt guy again. There’s a wildly awkward moment where they all walk down to get the schedule where Snooki copies the whole schedule down, but Ronnie and Sammi insist on making their own copies. Later Mike, Deena and Vinny go to work, but Mike wanders off to get some food. It’s not really important at all, but when Deena gets back her and Snooki play kickball up on the patio and the ball goes over onto the other roof. Snooki tries holding onto Deena’s legs while she attempts to scoop the ball with a broom. I was honestly worried that’s how she would die. Luckily Vinny came and saved the day. These scenes seem stupid and pointless, but it’s a nice break from the monotony that comes from watching Sammi sit everywhere with a stink face, simultaneously saying she has no friends in the house AND that she doesn’t care about the people in the house.The episode ends with the roomies all–and I mean all–heading down to the boardwalk to ride some rides. Sammi apparently doesn’t like the rides because she’s always standing to the side, watching them have fun. As someone who does not like rollercoasters I can relate to not wanting to join in, but I don’t stand there looking like everyone around me is made of poop and just farted which is exactly what she did. At one point, she’s literally getting on a ride and telling Ron some nonsense about being alone and feeling like she’s back in Miami where they would get on fights and he’d go get on girls at the club, then come back and hook up with her. Back at the house, we’re treated to a montage of those things as Sammi sits on the patio off their bedroom and gets angry. She has the same argument with Ronnie that we’ve seen a million times. The episode ends with him putting a towel over his eyes trying to go to sleep while she’s bitching and her walking out of the room saying she feels sick.Ugh. Seriously, she’s the worst. Everyone else in the house wants to have fun and hang out and she’s just always sitting there with a puss on her mug (that should get some interesting hits from Google). I truly do not understand why she even bothered to show up if she knew things would be weird with at the very LEAST two roommates. She’s this season’s Angelina. In the “this season on” clip they showed at the end of the first episode really made it look like she’s going to leave. I really hope that happens. Sooner rather than later, preferably.