Jersey Shore Season 3 “Should We Just Break Up?”

First off, before I get into the meat of the episode, I think it’s awesome that MTV is selling official Jersey Shore Grenade Whistles and GW t-shirts. Okay, now that that’s done (I should get paid for ads like that), this episode picks up at Karma where the previous episode ended, showing JWOWW and Sammi making up. Great. That means she’ll be cool and hang out and there won’t be as much animosity and everything will be cool, right? Well, not quite. Hit the jump to find out what went down!Okay, so, still at the club, it looks like everyone’s having a pretty good time and then, out of nowhere, Sammi asks Ron to come away from where they are with everyone else to go elsewhere in the club. Not a good sign. She tells the camera that she’s worried about him getting super sloppy drunk like he did a few times in Miami. By the way, seeing Dean drinking at the bar next to Ronnie is creepy. When they get back from the club, Mike heads up to the room he shares with Ronnie and Sammi with a girl, Snooki falls asleep on a dog bed in the gated area JWOWW’s dogs are kept in and Ronnie–who’s WASTED–first plops on the beanbag chair in the living and then Sammi tries feeding him which causes him to puke. Can you imagine going back to someone’s house to hook up only to have to fool around in a room with two other people who are fighting and vomiting? That’s one to write home about.The next morning JWOWW drags Snooki off the dog bed and puts her in her actual bed. Apparently no one knew where she wound up when they went to sleep. Good friends. Anyway, the real news is that Ronnie woke up with rectal bleeding. And, as you might expect, he lets the cameras into the doctor’s office while the doc puts parts of his hand IN RONNIE’S BUTT! Who lets this be filmed? I feel bad for the camera man too, though he seemed to stay on Ronnie’s non-butt side. Meanwhile, Sammi sat out in the waiting room with her legs are weirdly cross. I’m fairly certain she’s never actually sat like an adult. Anyway, it turns out his butt was bleeding from too much drinking. What? That’s possible? They should teach THAT in health class. Anyway, we don’t necessarily see him drink the rest of the episode, but I’m not saying it didn’t happen at all. Here’s a few choice lines from the doctor: “How about deeper in through here?” “Is there any pain around the rim at all?” Yowch.Ugh, then there’s a moment that’s supposed to show JWOWW, Deena and Snooki just being fun people, but in actuality completely forgets Deena and shows Snooki to be a childish asshole. They all go to a pharmacy and Snooki sees a stroller that has a tricycle for the kid to sit on. Now, first off, she’s not smart enough to realize it’s supposed to be pushed instead of kid-powered. Second, she’s riding around the store like an idiot and then JWOWW pushes her for a bit. Later she breaks the damn thing’s handle bars off, jams them back on and they leave. It’s a $150 piece of merch! I hope that pharmacy sent MTV a bill. Now, I know I probably sound like an old fogy. “They’re just kids having fun!” you might say. If you saw a probably drunk 20-something barely able to squeeze herself onto an expensive child’s product in a store, you probably wouldn’t laugh. Now back to my creamed corn…

After another “getting ready” montage the gang all heads out to a club, where some of Ronnie’s buddies from home are meeting him (which is why I doubt that he didn’t drink that night). Anyway, one of his buddies named Dario winds up drawing Deena’s attention while Snooki finds a (ugh) typical Seaside guido–almost thought I wasn’t going to hear her say her stupid mantra–named Jeff. All of a sudden Deena gets INTENT on going back to the house so she can hook up with Dario, supposedly. But Snooki runs upstairs and gets into the guest room before her friend. Those two start getting all hot and heavy and Snooki’s talking about wanting to hook up with him, but then tells him she’s on her period and probably shouldn’t. Wah wah. Meanwhile, Deena’s hanging out with Dario and makes a big deal to the camera about this dude not getting her “golden ticket” (apparently what she calls her vagina), but then they hop in bed and the wonderful editors cut immediately to the next morning with him leaving and her saying he took her ticket. Now, I don’t want to say anything against this dude, but I will say that her choice of wording (took) and the look on her face the next morning didn’t make Deena look like she was 100% happy with her decision.That morning, Snooki and Jeff continue to hang out and seem to be having a great time. He tries to do a spin on their stripper pole and of course pulls the thing down and lands on his ass. They then head to the boardwalk where they ride some rides and seem to be hitting it off. Then, he tells her while at a bar (she looked and sounded pretty drunk, just to throw that in there) that he was dating this girl who he was engaged to before heading over to Iraq. This must have flipped some kind of switch in Snooki’s mind because after that she was done with him. He tried calling later and she wouldn’t even listen to him, hanging up like a 16 year old. Dude was pretty damn sweet on her too. He called again and Pauly picked up and tricked him into thinking Jeff was talking to an answering service. Okay, so maybe he’s not the smartest dude in the world, but Snooki did him WRONG and seems to have missed out on a pretty good guy.

Well, it’s Sunday which means the dudes go to the store to get food and do laundry while the ladies go to, yup, a sex store. Well, you can do worse than seeing JWOWW try on skank gear. Well, honestly, it didn’t look too much different than what she normally wears. Anyway, the dudes get home first and Ronnie’s pissed because he asked Sammi to clean the fridge out and she didn’t which leads into a fight. You gotta love Pauly because he’s just straight up making fun of Ronnie and Sammi for always fighting. It gets worse when she questions him about making a vodka sauce because he’s never made it for her. During dinner everyone’s telling Ronnie how great the sauce is and Sam just says very quietly “It’s pretty good.’ Ugh, more awkwardness. Even Deena can’t lighten the mood by telling the table she had a dream where Pauly and Vinny were making out.There’s another Snooki scene that made me angry where she complains about her insanely easy job. She’s the worst. After that nonsense which wasn’t even worth mentioning, Deena, Mike, Pauly and Vinny are waiting on Sammi to come down to go out, but after picking at Ronnie some more (who CLEARLY wants to be left alone). Mike hilariously points out that she spends tons of time straightening her already straight hair. She mentions something to Ronnie about breaking up or whatever, but it doesn’t really go anywhere and neither does she. After she says she’s probably not going to go out, it’s MVPD rolling out. At the club Deena spends some time dancing all up on Pauly and tells the camera, I shit you not, “Face down, ass up, that’s the way I like to have a good time.” She laughed after she said it, but I think that might be her mantra. Anyway, she can’t keep Pauly’s attention and he winds up talking to Danielle the stalker who threw a drink at him. They make up and he asks her back to the house where he puts on the “I Heart Jewish Girls” T-shirt she made for him and threw on his lap last season. There was some laughter, but was even funnier was drunk, introspective Vinny sitting right next to her asking her why she’s there. As far as we see, they do not hook up and she just leaves.Meanwhile, in yet another span of time I’ll never get back, Sammi keeps pestering Ronnie about something or other and he finally tells her he’s done (for the millionth time). He says he’s done with all the making up and breaking up stuff, but he’s not even looking at her. Sammi demands he tell it to her face, which he pops up and does before walking out of the room. As you might expect, she keeps chasing him around the house trying to get more information out of him. On the other patio/balcony (the one with just chairs and no hot tub, i.e. the boring one) he tells her that he messed up in Miami but that she also seems to have forgotten that he’s the reason she stayed in both Miami and this time around. She says he can never understand what he did to her. So, that’s pretty much it. She says she’ll move out of the room the next day, though I’m not sure how that will work seeing as how there’s no spare beds aside from the smoosh room bed. And that would be gross even for Jersey Shore.

So, will these two apes finally be DONE done? Well, the next episode clip shows Sammi trying to make Ronnie jealous at the club, Ronnie throwing her stuff out of the closet and her getting into the back of a black car and driving away. Are we finally getting rid of the new Angelina? I’d sacrifice a goat to make that happen, but, seeing as it’s already happened, that would seem rash.

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