Jersey Shore Season 3 Episode 7 “Cabs Are Here”

I thank my lucky stars I don’t have friends like Ronnie and Sammi. I know they’re out there in the world, constantly making up and breaking up and clearly awful for one another, but that’s not something I’ve had to deal with personally. As you might expect in the episode following the one where they seemingly broke up, they take up the main focus of this episode, sucking everyone into their blackhole of awfulness except JWOWW and Roger, but more on that later. The craziest thing about this episode, to me, was that Ronnie and Sammi acted like they hadn’t broken up the night before. Mike asks Sammi what happened and if they’re still together and she says they are! It’s insane. Literally the night before they agreed that she would move her stuff out and be broken up. Of course, being the exceedingly annoying people they are, they dragged this out over a full episode of television.

Okay, so that Mike/Sammi convo I mentioned started off downstairs while Ronnie was up in the bathroom. Sammi walked away, saying she didn’t want to talk about it. Mike comes upstairs to make sure he didn’t make her mad and talks to her about Miami, which Ronnie hears and pisses him off. But Mike goes to work so Ronnie can’t confront him. He vents to Deena and Pauly which is awkward because Pauly’s clearly right with Mike and doesn’t want to hear one of his boys dog on his other boy. To try and get Sammi and Ronnie to cool down respectively, Pauly goes down to the boardwalk with Ron and then in a genius movie, Deena does the exact same thing with Sammi. Is it me or do they seem to be heading down there a lot more this year? Anyway, the guys walk by while the girls are in a bar and Sammi says she saw Ronnie talking to some girl. Now, I swear, this is the only moment of the episode where my head was turned, so I don’t know if he really was or not, but this prompted her to hit on and drink with muscly dudes in the bar.

Back at the house we’re treated to the only non-Ronnie and Sam fight of the whole episode which is still about Sammi and involves Ronnie. When Mike gets back from work, Ronnie tosses some stupid third grade digs at Mike that don’t make any sense if you’re not experiencing all this as a television program (people don’t know what you’re thinking meathead) which quickly escalates into a somewhat heated shouting match between the two about how Ronnie thinks Mike broke the guy code by talking to Sammi and telling her that whatever was in the letter in Miami was true and Mike telling Ronnie that it’s good for them to be broken up. Mike had a surprising number of good points and Ronnie is an idiot, so I sided with Mike who played the game smart, apologized and then hugged it out. He told the camera it was just to diffuse the situation. Smart move bro, Ronnie’s on the cray cray side.

Real quick I’m going to jump over and talk about all of the JWOWW and Roger stuff which gets sprinkled through the episode. Roger’s leaving for 10 days, so the two of them go out to a Mexican place where everyone seems to know Roger’s name. JWOWW says something about not knowing if all that will work out or whatever, but that’s what you get when you’re dating a townie. They head back to the house after another Sammi/Ronnie fight that I’ll get to in a minute, but don’t get involved. She sits him down on the couch and puts on the slutty gear she got from the sex store in the previous episode. Presumably smooshing ensued.

There’s a lot of fighting between Ronnie and Sammi, mostly with her wanting to talk to him and him walking away saying they’re done or whatever. It all blurs together looking back. Eventually they come to an “you do you, I’ll do me” agreement (or at least one of them says it while walking away from the other) and it’s time for a getting ready montage! Or it would have been if Ronnie going into his closet to get something to wear didn’t prompt Sammi to ask what he’s going to do if a girl comes up dancing on him which somehow escalated into Ronnie throwing her stuff out of her closet and trying to pick her bed up with her latching onto it. Mike went up to get a hat, saw this craziness and went downstairs to ask the guys to come up. From that, it turned into most of the house trying to separate the two warring assholes. It was pretty nuts because he tried walking away and Sammi just kept tearing after him. Out of nowhere, Ronnie brings up the fact that she’s never cooked for him. Hilarious. Anyway, Sammi goes away and Ronnie’s in the room muttering to himself like a lunatic and tossing more of her stuff around.

The guys finally get Ronnie out of the house to go to a club called Aztek leaving Snooki and Deena back at the house with Sammi who finally sees her bed all jacked up. Sammi is convinced that Ronnie will creep and bring a girl back to the house and Snooki has the brilliant idea to get back at him by being all up on guys at the club. Which they do. At Aztek. She just keeps saying something about wanting a “hot guy” and dances up on some dude right in front of Ron which causes him to swear at her and then leave with the rest of the dudes. Back at the house he starts SMASHING her stuff. Earlier, after he left, Snooki and Deena tried moving her bed out of the room, got the mattress and the slats but left the frame stuck in the hallway, which Ronnie wound up throwing out onto the porch with the rest of her stuff.

Once Sammi gets back to the house–which doesn’t seem like is much later than when the guys got back–she sees her stuff trashed and is understandably upset. She talks to Ronnie again, but it’s just more of the same. She brings up Miami, he says that it’s more disrespectful to do that in front of him. I figure this is as good a place to weigh in on this. Both of these idiots did wrong. Ronnie made out with some girls in Miami and then crawled into bed with Sammi presumably lying to her about what went on that night and later when she would ask about what they did out. Then, she dances up on some dude, which isn’t such a big deal in and of itself, but doing it right in front of someone is just spiteful. Of course, he retaliated with something truly awful in my mind by actually destroying her stuff, which probably speaks to my unhealthy attachment to possessions, but enough about me. There’s just so much wrong going on that it couldn’t and shouldn’t last. And thankfull, Sammi seems to see it that way. She slowly tells the house that she’s leaving, Ronnie gets wind and asks her to talk outside on their porch. I got a strange kick out of this because she had been the one who was constantly following him around wanting to talk and he clearly didn’t. It’s just another reason they suck. In the end, she got in a cab and left with just one bag.

In the end we’re left with a big question mark of whether she will return at some point in the season. She did leave a bunch of stuff behind and got into a cab which I’m pretty sure won’t take her all the way back to wherever the heck she lives, but what do I know? I’m just glad those two idiots are broken up. Maybe they can move on…to another show that I don’t have some strange attraction to.

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