Jersey Shore Season 3 Episode 11 “GTF – Gym, Tan, Find Out Who Sammi’s Texting”

About half way through this episode, I figured I was going to hate it. There were a few charming bits here and there, but between Snooki becoming less and less appealing by the word and Sammi and Ronnie seemingly getting back together or “working through their stuff” or whatever bullshit they decided I was on my way out. Then, something wonderful happened and Mike’s meddling actually created some interesting television that will keep two dunderheads apart. Of course, I can’t start there. Hit the jump to see where it DOES start!The episode began with a completely unexplained trip to Staten Island for Vinny to see his family with Pauly tagging along. There’s like over a dozen people and everyone’s eating and having a good time so you’d think it was a special event, but nothing is mentioned. I guess that’s just how his family gets down. Mine’s more of a holiday/special occasion group, even more so now that so many of us are spread across the country. Meanwhile, Ronnie goes for NGTL (nails, gym, tan, laundry) with the girls which leaves Mike in the house alone with the dogs. For whatever reason, he’s feeling mischievous, so he lets the dogs out “making it look like they broke out” and then feeds them peanut butter and fluff without letting them outside so that start peeing and pooping all over the house. His plan is to run upstairs when the roommates get back and act like he was sleeping the whole time. When the do get back, they immediately say it smells like pee and poop which means that Mike’s “prank” lead to him marinating in canine feces and urine for a somewhat significant amount of time. Good one. Deena plays detective and notices that one of the dogs smells like Mike’s cologne. He comes downstairs acting all tired and says he has no idea what happened. That’s really all there is to that. 

After that it’s club time. Snooki’s dancing with some dude whose name she doesn’t know is Nick until later. She asks him if his name ends in a vowel because she wants her kids to have a name that ends like that and a tan. The bloom has really fallen off the rose with this broad for me. Originally she seemed like a goofy, fun girl who had some insecurities that made her a real person. Now all she wants is to get it in and talk about how awesome she is. If Jersey Shore was a horror movie (which I’m sure it already is to plenty), she’d be the one you’d want to get slashed first because she’s just so one dimension and full of nonsense. To be clear, I am not wishing any harm on Snooki, it’s just a comparison. Chillax, bro. While out at the club, drunken Sammi and Ronnie kiss, but on the way home Sammi doesn’t seem very comfortable with that choice and winds up sleeping in her own bad. Snooki’s dude sleeps in her bed, with Crockadilly between them (that thing must be CRUSTY) after bandaging up her knee (she slipped and fell on the way home). I thought he was a grenade, but the missus said he was cute. I’ll defer to her, but I’m not buying it. 

The next day, Vinny decides to get a spray tan because he’s sick of the roommates making fun of his pale ass. He tells the girl to go dark with him and when he’s done JWOWW said “Vinny, you look like you belong now.” It was a good one. Then, on the way back–Ronnie and Sammi also went–JWOWW’s driving and sees Roger in his car, she honks at him trying to get his attention but he looks like he’s zigzagging away. He also does something called “the dip” which I’m assuming means he kind of hunched down in his seat, but could be completely wrong. Ronnie says the only reason to do the dip is if there’s a girl in the car, which pisses JWOWW off. The roommates give her a hard time and Roger goes down another street. By the time she gets home she calls, gets his voicemail and breaks up with him on a message saying that one of her roommates said the dip must equal having a girl in the car. Later at dinner, JWOWW remembers that Roger had an appointment for a  haircut and gets super embarrassed because it was right around that time and he was seemingly coming home from the gym. He calls later and she apologizes, saying she feels stupid and he says he needs a little space, but it seemed to end alright, meaning they’re still together which is good. I like Roger and they seem to work well together. Plus, it can’t be bad to know a Jersey Shore local. 

After a fun water balloon fight between the guys (Ronnie, Vinny and Pauly) and the girls (Sammi, Deena and Snooki) we get saddled with Ronnie and Sammi talking about their relationship and where they stand, which is essentially that (UGH) Sammi still loves him and that they should work their crap out. Blech. Cut to a little bit later and she’s explaining all this to JWOWW and Snooki, saying that they’ve agreed that she’s still going to be “Fun Sammi” and that they’re going to continue to sleep in separate rooms. I wrote in my notes that this will end in tears and I was right or at least will be by next episode.The gang then heads to Jenkinsons which just seems like a different boardwalk. Way to mix it up guys. Fans of the series will remember that this is the place that Snooki and Deena thought they were going to when Mike sent them to NYC a few episodes back. A few other brief highlights: the guys at Jenkinsons look good from a distance but are jacked up up close and Ronnie and Sammi thought a penguin was a mammal and not a bird. Back at the house, Mike gives Snooki some face cream because she’s breaking out and then she does a mime routine at Vinny and Pauly’s behest. It’s the best thing she’s done all season. Then things got interesting. It’s going out time again (both times they went out this episode, Sammi wore black and white, does this chick OWN anything with color?). While at the club, Mike runs into his boy Arvin who asks about Sammi, telling him that she texted him and asked to meet him there that night. This makes Mike curious and he asks to see the texts, which Arvin shows him. Then Mike goes and gets JWOWW to make it look like he wasn’t just stirring up shit, but actually helping his boy. Arvin shows her the texts too. In expected fashion, Mike tells Pauly and Vinny while JWOWW tells Snooki and Deena. Snooki takes it upon herself to talk to Sam about this before Ronnie finds out, so she and Deena took Sammi aside and Sammi completely denied everything. Someone tells Ronnie what’s going on and he’s just suspicious all around, both of the information and Sammi. Sammi rages, saying she wants to know what’s going on, saying that Arvin and her are just friends, essentially admitting to texting him. I felt pretty bad for Arvin in all this. Dude just went out thinking he was going to meet up with a girl only to get dragged into some nonsense. He looked to get more and more uncomfortable with every encounter which is completely understandable. Sam’s admission sets Ronnie off because, while he was crying his fool head off, she was texting other guys. To his credit, he didn’t even mack on anyone while she was gone and didn’t turn into Single Ronnie. They fight and the dudes leave. Back at the place, Ronnie goes upstairs with Mike, Vinny and Pauly talk about Sammi’s shadiness. Ronnie comes back down in time for the girls to come home. Vinny and Pauly got seats on the couch to see the fight, but were disappointed when Sammi just came in and nothing happened. Sammi took a seat in the living room near them and out of nowhere called Mike the shadiest one in the house. He defends himself by saying he was looking out for his boy and shady is texting some dude right after breaking up with your boyfriend. She keeps railing against him and then Ronnie jumps in. There’s more arguing and that’s basically how the episode ends, with Ronnie following Sammi and telling her not to walk away like she always does. It’s nuts.

I think their relationship will only end if it ends like this, in flames. And not just flames brought on by their own hot-headedness, but by someone else. There has to be enough of a sense of betrayal that one won’t go back to the other. Sammi seems to have a pretty high tolerance for it (or at least did), but I wouldn’t be surprised if Ronnie’s ego won’t let him stand for living through even the smallest amount of what he put her through in Miami. The next episode looks to be even more explosive with more arguing and Ronnie talking to Arvin to find out if they hooked up or made out. Arvin answers “yes” to one of the questions. Come back next week to see which one (or watch the show yourself or look up the preview online I guess).

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