Live Blogging Crank (2006)

As I mentioned the other day, I attempted to watch Crank followed directly by Crank: High Voltage on Sunday night after getting back from New England. Unfortunately, I poured my whiskey and coke a little heavily and fell asleep about half way through Crank 2. So, it wasn’t a true movie marathon, but I tried. I did my best to take notes as I watched the movie and here you have it, my notes, transcribed as best I could from my increasingly terrible handwriting. This is absolutely not to be taken in place of seeing this amazingly kinetic and over the top action movie, but if you haven’t and anything that follows made you go “Huh?” (or you’re a dude), then SEE THIS MOVIE!

I guess I should explain the basic plot because it’s definitely not clear below. Chev Chelios is a hitman who gets injected with a drug that’s trying to block his adrenaline receptors, slow him down and kill him. As a result he’s trying to find the people who killed him, while trying to spend some time with his girlfriend Amy Smart, find a cure from his underworld doctor friend Dwight Yoakam and keep his adrenaline pumping long enough to not die through various methods (fighting, drugs, sex, etc.).

Spoilers ahead, though not a ton because I got really caught up in watching this bad boy again for the second time.

*Crank is the Pi of action movies.

*How does a Brit get a name like Chevy Chelios? Who cares, it’s still one of the best names in movie history.

*Why do I even know who Amy Smart is?

*Jason Statham is awesome. [Definitely my favorite action star of the moment and one of the all time best.]

*It’s fascinating watching a man who already assumes he’s dead in action. It’s like this Batman story I remember from, I think No Man’s Land where this GCPD cop keeps fighting in this underground fight fest for food or something and he does it because he already assumes he’s going to die and nothing can happen to him.

*I love the scenes where he messes those guys up while dealing with his girl and she doesn’t notice it.

*Yup, he bangs her in the street with everyone watching.

*”You’re like an adrenaline junky with no soul” – Amy Smart hahahaha
*Chinatown LOVES angry sex in the streets.

*Chev “I’m alive!” while having sex. Reminds me of the song and dance number in Ferris.

*And then he leaves himself and her…unfulfilled.

*That Haitian stuff is CRAZY. [I don’t even remember what this refers to.]

*Aw, I don’t like seeing Kaylo, the Napoleon Dynamite kid die even though he’s annoying.

*I wish I had a Puma suit like Chev’s.

*”Just die” – heh, unlikely.

*Love the sweatshop and foreign subtitles.

*A lot of bad things happen to hands in this flick – cut off, sewn, ouch.

*Road head in a car chase – amazing.

*This movie’s like The Wheelman but with more sex. Why is there not a Crank video game?

*He’s such a man that he doesn’t want to go out quietly, but wants one more hour to kick as much ass as possible.

*I love all his costume changes, it’s like he’s on Divas.

*Chev: “I’m the Terminator.” Nice.

*I LOVE the camera work, it’s nuts.

*Him holding people at bay with his finger-gun is awesome.

*Using underlings as grenade cover is a nice tough.

*He gets even MORE shit injected into him? Not cool.

*He skulks through the movie like a zombie or a slasher. It’s like watching a slasher movie where the killer’s a good guy!

*The helicopter fight looks so freaking real!

*How can there possibly be a sequel, dude fell out of a helicopter!!! But he still blinks afterwards!!!!! Cause he’s a damn man!

4 thoughts on “Live Blogging Crank (2006)

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