Damn you guys, this was one crazy Real World/Road Rules challenge. There were tons of fights both physical and verbal, flirting, hooking up, blood and tears. You know, all the usual stuff. The overall season was pretty lopsided towards the Champions team, though, that shouldn’t really be a surprise, especially with the Evan/Kenny alliance (they’re like the Wu-Tang Clan you guys, all the ties haven’t even been figured out yet). The final came down to five people on the Champions team: Kenny, Evan, Derrick, Johnny and Susie, while the Challengers featured just two ladies, KellyAnne and Sarah. So how’d it go down? Let me tell you, and it’s not even a live blog this time!
The episode started off with about a half hour or so of nonsense. You see the guys doing stupid crap like pouring wax on each other (hot) and playing butts up (which we used to play, but with our pants on) in grade school. Oh yeah, there’s also a lot of pot shots taken at Sarah mostly by Kenny. The funny thing is that Kenny rags on Sarah saying that she was just a nerd who got on TV and now thinks she’s hot shit. Sound familiar Kenny? He also calls her fat and it’s a known fact that Kenny is a former fat kid. There’s even a part where Johnny Bananas tells the camera he thinks Kenny’s being too harsh. When Johnny Bananas thinks you’re being a douche, look out man, that’s badness.
So, finally we get to the final challenge. For the record, I went in hoping the Challs pull this out over the Champs, which seems like a big possibility considering they have fewer people to work with. Things start off with a weird food eating contest. It was all pretty gross stuff like bugs and super hot chilies and I think brains, I missed what the yellowish white thing were. Kenny said this “I feel like I’m eating the asshole of the dirties bum I’ve ever met,” which may or may not be more telling than he intended. Each person on the team had to eat one of each thing. This is a pretty great equalizer challenge, which gave the Challs a leg up. From there, they go to a central point with four different paths leading to four different paths with four artifacts at the end of each challenge. Once you get all five artifacts (there was one from the eating challenge), a secret door opens and you’re off to the next part.
With their lead, the Challs take the nearest path and end up doing a giant jigsaw puzzle. The Champs aren’t too far behind, even though they somehow got lost running from the eating challenge to the puzzle. Soon enough the Challs kill the puzzle, scatter the pieces and move on to a challenge where they have to crawl through the mud under a net, grab the artifact and then crawl back. The Challs finish this and then head back to the artifact drop-off, putting them solidly up by one artifact. The Champs finally finish the jigsaw puzzle and both teams end up at a course made up of poles a few feet off the ground. Every player has to complete the course without falling off, get the artifact and then come back. If even one person falls, they all have to do it over again. It seems like the Challs have the edge on this one again because they have fewer players and Evan ends up falling on the first leg of it. But, as it turns out, KellyAnne went really slowly, which allowed the Champs to finish ahead of them and move on to the mud crawl.
So, while the Sarah’s waiting for KellyAnne, who’s behind he by half the course, the Champs are pushing Susie, who’s understandably exhausted, through the mud. She’s moving pretty slow, but doesn’t quit. Both teams end up at the artifact drop-off at the same time, which means they’re tied and then move on to the final artifact challenge which is another puzzle, but this one’s a brain teaser. Something about moving these giant puzzle pieces and putting them in stacks. I completely didn’t understand it and for the most part, neither did the teams. With both teams struggling (and Evan’s correct assessment that Kenny and Johnny are useless when it comes to puzzles and Derrick is less than useless, leaving it to him and Susie). Finally, Susie figures out the answer (you know this because they showed a graphic of the answer again on the screen). They of course scatter the puzzle pieces and move on to the artifact drop-off where they place the final artifact and get a larger one that they have to carry while running off into the distance.They even pass by the Challs while they’re still working on the brain teaser.
Part of the puzzle rules include a caveat that, if you haven’t finished it in 30 minutes, you can grab the artifact and each player has to carry one of the giant, heavy puzzle pieces back to the drop-off, which the ladies do. They place their last artifact and then they’re off. At this point, the Champs are way ahead, but it seems like the Challs might still be in it. Susie gets carried for a good deal of this leg by the guys. They even hit what looks like an obstacle course, which gave me a small semblance of hope that their bigger numbers and Susie’s tiredness might give the Challs a chance to win it, but alas, it was not meant to be. The Champs had too much of a lead and dragged themselves across the finish line, which happened to be The Ruins, where thy put the final, larger artifact in place, which exploded a wall to reveal their giant check.
So, while I was hoping for an upset and the Challs to come ahead with a win, that didn’t happen and I was left a little pissed, but I’m used to it being a Notre Dame and Steelers fan this season. Don’t worry my fellow MTV reality junkies, Jersey Shore is soldering on and Real World: D.C. will be starting in the next couple weeks and you know what that means? We’re only a few months away from the next challenge! Hopefully that one won’t be so one-sided and maybe even split up the lameness that is the Evan/Kenny alliance. Wouldn’t it be great for them to actually prove their worth? That’d be nice.