The Jersey Shore (a.k.a. The Real World Jersey) 12-10-09

So, in this episode (the third) one of the roommates got fired, three relationships fell apart under the pressure of the shore and we find out about the kind of guys Snooki likes (partial “jerkoffs”). I don’t think I can boil this all down into something concise like my Ruins Season Finale post from last night, so strap yourself in for an intense and possibly confusing live blog. Hit the jump for the madness. *It’s the next day and now JWOWW’s saying she doesn’t remember making out with Pauly in the previous episode.

*”She just doesn’t want to feel like a trash bag because she kissed me with her tongue.” – Pauly

*Haha, now Mike and Sammi have to work together. Also, Sammi calls him a typical guido, but I”m pretty sure all these girls said they wanted a guido.

*Other people actually calling Mike The Situation is confusing.

*Mike says he’s going to move in closer to Sammi, get her to like him again and then back out? Yeah? I don’t think so big guy.

*”Yo, seriously, she’s on a whole nother level with pickles.” – JWOWW regarding Snooki’s love of pickles.

*The guys are watching Snooki eat pickles, she says she likes to suck the juice out and wearing a “pornstar in training” hat.

*It’s hilarious how they make such a big deal about about Ronnie and Sammi being together. Ronnie’s saying how they’re really tight because they hold hands and cuddle. It’s been like three days!

*JWOWW’s boy’s coming down. This should be good.

*It’s awesome listening to Pauly talking about how he would dump JWOWW for doing something he’s at least partially responsible for (ie making out with someone while she’s dating someone).

*Angelina’s friends are around and they’re gonna get crazy! Angelina’s boyfriend doesn’t want to be on the show? Interesting…

*Yeah, club time!

*Angelina’s boy shows up and says he’s got a bad feeling.

*Woah, Angelina’s boyfriend just broke up with her seemingly out of nowhere.

*I can’t keep up!

*Did Snooki just say she’s gonna take this mook (yet another friend) back to her place and screw him?

*Gah, what? Angelina’s dating a married dude?!

*Now Mike’s moving in trying to comfort Angelina while talking shit about her in the interview thing.

*Now what’s gonna happen with JWOWW’s boyfriend? She brings up theoretical indiscretions and  he said if she did it he would leave her. At first I thought she was actually telling him and he took it pretty well. Not the case.

*Haha, we’ve got another whiny bitch “threatening” to leave coming up. Should be fun.

*Now the rest of the house is gonna find out that she’s dating a married dude. They don’t seem to mind much, I guess that’s standard operating procedure for them.

*I love that they keep using the same shot of Angelina as if she’s been sitting catatonic the whole time. Vinny heads to work, but Angelina just stays there.

*Haha, she doesn’t want to work so she doesn’t! Must be nice to just be a useless flake who bones married dudes.

*Oh now she shows up and she’s arguing about not having the work number, saying she’s sick and arguing with the boss about not getting anyone to cover for her. I hope she gets kicked out before the owner, Danny, throws her out.

*”I don’t have to do what I don’t want to do.” – Angelina. Must be nice you spoiled ass.

*Lay into her Danny!!!

*She says Danny has to talk to her in the bathroom? What a bitch! Yeah good call Angelina, just run the water. This makes you look a lot better than actually talking to him like an actual, honest to God grown-up.

*Yeah! He kicked her out. Later!

*Haha, you’re not leaving Angelina, you’ve been kicked out.

*JWOWW says “basically” way too much.

*”I have to do what I have to do.” – Angelina. You mean leave because you got kicked out? Later you spoiled ass.

*Angelina tells Mike he’s got a gray hair and his ears got BEAT red. Just leave!

*Haha, now they’re all talking shit about Angelina, this is great. She was a shit starter. Good stuff. Nice montage.

*Haha, they toast to “no more drama.” That’ll last.

*Oh man, now JWOWW’s calling her boyfriend, upset and then tells him she doesn’t want to talk about it. He doesn’t understand what the problem could be. “Is it something relationship-breaking?” he asks. She says she thinks she made a mistake at the club. He asks if she wants to break it off, she says no and then he hangs up.

*JWOWW’s sweatpants look like she shit herself.

*She’s gonna give it 24 hours and then go balls out and have “a dirty filthy time.”

*”JWOWW breaking up with her boyfriend means she won’t feel guilty when she hooks up with me.” – Pauly. You’re right, it is inevitable. You’re irresistible. Or she might feel so resentful towards you for taking advantage of a drunk girl that she’ll hate you forever. Probably not though, she’ll just blame herself.

*Woah, now MTV has an anti-sending dudes naked pics of yourself PSA. Look for a post on that when I’m done with this.

*Uh oh, is this where Snook gets punched?!!! Nope, she’s just eating take out at a dive bar with her friend Ryder and trying to dance.

*”I just let loose and f#cking killed it on the dance floor.” – Snooki. They’re dancing in a bar that’s pretty much empty and complaining that no one’s dancing. Also, they kind of look like two antelopes trying to have sex without really knowing how to.

*”She wasn’t ugly. She was thin and petite and that’s what I like.” – Mike regarding Ryder. Haha, “not ugly” is the dude’s standard!

*Yo Sammi, Mike’s not going to want to hang out with you and Ronnie. Leave him alone, he’s a wounded duckling. I feel for him.

*Aww, Ronnie and Sammi go mini-golfing. This will be a great contrast considering he’s gonna dance with another chick and she’s gonna get pissed.

*”It’s real.” – Ronnie regarding his relationship with Sammi. Now they’re boning in the guest bedroom. She apologizes to her mother before pulling the sheet over her head to block the night vision cameras.

*Ryder of course says she loves everyone. That word gets tossed around way too much.

*Now there’s girls making out in the hot tub. Who’s that other girl? And dudes making out with girls.

*”I wanted to make out with someone, so I made out with Ryder because the guys would like that.” – Snooki

*Wow, the girls are getting passed around like crazy.

*”That’s what I like, a good guy and a jerkoff.” – Snooki. You’re in the right place girl.

*Dumbasses trying to grill, this is a recipe for an explosion.

*I wonder if they have to buy their own food. Haha, the grill’s on fire. It’s burning right above the tank!!! Haha, he put charcoal in a gas grill. That was way too intense.

*”If I’m gonna be single I’ll make everyone fucking hate each other by the end of the night.” – JWOWW. I can’t wait to see her single.

*Ronnie’s boys from home are gonna dog him like crazy after seeing this.

*Woah, Ronnie’s dancing like a total weirdo, like Elaine.

*Now, Sammi’s flirting with her cop friend and then gives him her number when she sees Ronnie dancing with a girl on the floor. Then JWOWW tells Ronnie she saw her give the cop her number and now he’s pissed. Is he gonna break something? No, he just lays down and sulks.

*Haha, someone told Sammi that Ronnie left with JWOWW, which is not the case. Total drama.

*”I’m gonna knock a bitch up.” – Sammi. Hehe, I don’t think she knows what words mean.

*Woah, next week someone punches Snooki and it’s not one of the roommate! Also the guys invite two sets of girls over to the house at the same time. It’s like Three’s Company!

*Thanks to the aftershow I just learned that Angelina and Mike hooked up before the show. They must all be in the same book club or something.

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