Jersey Shore (a.k.a. The Real World Jersey) 12-17-09

Well, this was the episode everyone was clammoring over and of course the big huge punching incident doesn’t happen until the last minute or two. Take that as you will.

*Here we go, the Snooki punch episode. It’ll be interesting to see how it goes down, especially with the announcement this week that they’re taking the footage of her getting hit out.

*First, we’ve got to figure out what’s going down with Ronnie, Sammi & JWOWW.

*MTV can not get the spelling of these peoples’ names right. They just referred to Sammi’s friend as “Sammy’s friend.” Come on, if a lazy blogger like me can get it straight, so can you PEOPLE WHO MAKE THE SHOW.

*Hehe, I still love that Sammi says she’s “gonna knock a bitch up.”

*Sammi asks if Ronnie & JWOWW hooked up and they’re sitting on separate beds.

*Ah, I feel bad for Ronnie and Sammi just comes off as a bitch.

*”I’m gonna go after her. I’m going to eat her alive.” – Ronnie

*I can’t stop myself from laughing as these two drunk yahoos babbling at each other.

*”I was ready to put you in the equation. Like, YOU in the EQUATION.” – Ronnie

*Haha, Situation is a pimp. A weird, blown out, crazy tan pimp.

*”Pauly’s hooking up with his girl and I’m hooking up with my girl and we’re going to have sex.” – the Situation. With the girl or Pauly?

*Pauly can’t bone his chick cause she’s got her period. Meanwhile, while Mike’s looking for a condom Pauly’s girl says she’s gotta go home.

*Looks like things are temporarily patched up between Ronnie and Sammi. Whew, thanks goodness.

*JWOWW’s trying to patch things up with her boyfriend. Her dude says he’s not gonna come to the shore again cause there will be a fistfight.

*Haha, JWOWW talks a big game saying she’s giving up having the time of her life to be with her boyfriend. I was hoping she’d turn into super ho. Ah well.

*Now Ronnie and Sammi have to work together. Hilarious. Ronnie’s a love-sick puppy.

*Alright, I’m already sick of Ronnie and Sammi. MOVE ON ALREADY!

*”Yeah, we smushed.” – Ronnie, admitting to having sex with Sammi.

*Haha, they’re going for tans and haircuts followed by sweaty gym work.

*The shit talking at the barber shop between Mike and Ronnie is pretty awesome. I’m with Vinnie, I’d leave too.

*Snooki’s best friend is her mom and her mom probably can’t figure out what to do with herself without Snooki.

*She can still not work that duck phone.

*It’s kind of hilarious watching Snooki getting down like a stripper on the “dance floor” (concrete block patio) and JWOWW talking about how awesome it was. She looks ridiculous. I’ve seen drugged bears at carnivals in New Hampshire with better moves.

*Haha, thanks for the explanation of what “beating the beat” is Pauly.

*Oh man, Mike just kissed a girl on the cheek and she shook her head “no.”

*Pauly’s just trying to get his business on (and in).

*”I got nothing else, we might as well grab them.” – Mike. Wow.

*Jeez, while walking with two girls, Mike and Pauly stop and talk to two OTHER girls in a car, which makes the first two girls walk away. But these girls don’t want to go into the hot tub, so what’s the point?!

*Snooki’s got this dude walking her home. She doesn’t know his name and can’t find her house, so they go lay on the beach.

*The girl with Mike has a boyfriend.

*Whoa, the two original girls just come into the house trying to find Mike and Pauly. AWKWARD! Might as well invite them up and see if you can get a 3-6 way going.

*Mike sounds crazy weird when he’s drunk. LIke he’s got a speech impediment.

*So, they’re kicking out the girls from the car and bringing the first pair of girls up.

*”Basically one of these girls were more cuter than the other.” – Mike. He then calls dibs on that one and calls the other girl “the grenade” saying that Pauly’s cool because he’s falling on her so Mike can get with her friend. I don’t think the blonde’s so bad.

*”I would SO do your dishes, but I’m not even trying to do that.” – the blonde girl. Haha.

*”Pauly immediately fleed the scene.” – Mike, master of the English language. Dude, just cut your losses and send these girls HOME. It’s not worth it…unless you can just drag the brunette girl away from the blonde and maybe turn it out.

*Mike’s under the covers with the girl when the blonde comes back in and says she’s going home and “don’t do this.”Mike blames Pauly for not knowing how to diffuse the bomb.

*Snooki ended up spending the whole night with a dude on the beach and then feels bad about herself because she didn’t screw him, saying she wasted her time. Oh Snooki, when will you learn?!

*Haha, the dude that Snooki slept on the beach with is friends with JWOWW’s boyfriend. That dude talked to the boyfriend and told him that JWOWW was dancing up on Pauly all night then the boyfriend called JWOWW all pissed.

*Vinny seems like a non-entity on this show.

*”It’s a relationship…You’ve got to be open and stuff.” – JWOWW, which means it’s okay to run your vagina in somebody else’s crotch. Now she’s yelling at her boyfriend for being upset that she was getting up on some dude. “We were battling, it was all house music.” – Snooki on the phone to JWOWW’s boyfriend.

*These people are absolute killers of the English language.

*Jesus, there’s 12 minutes left and the big punch hasn’t happened yet, which means it will be the cliffhanger of this episode. Instead, Snooki’s mom is visiting and she takes Moms to the same beach she just slept with a dude on.

*Hey kids, on the real, it’s weird to be best friends with your mom. Grow up.

*I’m sure you’ll “grow up” Snooki. And by that, I assume you’ll marry a guy and move right from your parents house to your husband’s and never actually do anything for yourself.

*10 minutes left and Snooki’s bawling about her mom leaving. This episode just needs to get over itself. Too much Ronnie/Sammi, the Pauly/Mike stuff went on pretty long and no one wants to watch Snooki crying over her mother.

*So, they’re going to use Snooki getting punched as the cliffhanger of this episode? Is this how the got around not showing it? “We won’t show it this episode, but NEXT? Hell yeah. Over and over and over and over.

*Whoa, these guys are assholes. The puncher and his goon friends are stealing shots. So Snooki starts yelling at the dude and the dude punches her square in the face. You’ve seen it on TV already in commercial form, but this time they black it out. Then they cut it back in and cut back to black. You see the guy running away from the army of dudes trying to get him. By the time he’s outside, a cop already has him and puts him in handcuffs.

*Do note that instead of actually comforting Snooki or making sure she was okay, JWOWW went after the dude and tried to punch her.

*Had the cop not been there, I think that dude would have been annihilated.

2 thoughts on “Jersey Shore (a.k.a. The Real World Jersey) 12-17-09

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