Tonight’s episode of Jersey Shore was all over the place. There was a fire, attempted hookups, relationship drama, an almost fight, lots of blown wingman-ing and even one of the cast members saying they’re thinking about leaving the show. Basically a lot of little stuff happens that gives everyone a little spotlight. Here’s the live blog!10:01pm – We’re picking back up with Mike being a jerk in the club trying to get everyone to leave. Looks like everyone leaves even though they’re angry at him. That’s kind of weird.
10:02pm – Snooki’s pretty plastered, her friend Ryder is trying to talk her down and also caressing her.
Back at the house, Vinny’s showing Ramona around, even showing her the phone that he waited by for her call. She jumps in his bed.
10:03pm – Vinny sounds WASTED. He tells the camera that she’s not a DTF girl, but “you never know what’s going to happen.” And then we see her definitely shirtless in his bed. I guess she was DTF.
The next morning Mike says Snooki shouldn’t be mad at him. He goes into her room and apologizes to her, saying he didn’t want to leave her there alone and drunk. She tells him not to do it again, but she says she accepts his apology.
10:04pm – Sammi and Vinny are talking about Ramona, he tells her that he’d wife her up, but that he doesn’t believe in love.
10:05pm – Snooki doesn’t want Ryder to leave. She’s all teary eyed as the two of them and Jenni do shots saluting Ryder. Snooki is SOBBING and the way she talks about this girl, you’d think she was turning a little lez. “I can’t believe she just left me.” – Snooki after Ryder leaves.
10:06pm – Snooki’s still crying, saying she wants to go back home right now. Jesus, grow up Snooki. It’s what, two more weeks? YOU’RE AN ADULT, ACT LIKE ONE.
10:11pm – JWOWW bounces when Vinny comes over. Vinny tells her they’re there for her. She says she only trusts him, Pauly and Jenni as if they’re secret agents and not a bunch of doofuses getting laid and drunk on the regular.
10:12pm – Apparently Mike will park everywhere, including up on a curb. He and Pauly are getting haircuts and then eyebrow waxing. Seriously?
10:13pm – To get Snooki’s spirits up, JWOWW wants to go to a club called Space which is apparently where all the Guido juiceheads hang out. Cause, I guess, that’s worked out pretty well for her so far.
10:14pm – It’s T-SHIRT TIME!
JWOWW’s wearing some amazing stripper gear, but with nipple tape or pasties. They all look especially Jersey tonight.
I wonder why they haven’t gone to Space yet if they’ve been talking about it and thinking about it so much.
10:15pm – At the club it looks like Snooki’s pointing at some girl and the girl gets angry. Her boyfriend is trying to hold her back. Snooki keeps talking shit. Then Mike comes over and makes it worse. The girl’s boyfriend looks small and a little terrified. But that dude has some friends who look like they want to score some points on the Jersey Shore kids.
10:19pm – Once again, MTV is blocking the subtitles with their nonsense about what show I’m watching.
They get kicked out of the club. Ronnie says they pissed all over his parade as if someone ruined Christmas.
10:20pm – While leaving, Pauly grabs two girls and they head home with the group. Mike and Pauly get dropped off at the house to hook up with the girls while the others go out to another club.
Pauly says these girls know what’s going on coming back from the club to get it in.
10:21pm – Mike’s being a little weird and Pauly’s girl doesn’t seem to like the idea that they’re in the same room as another couple who might be hooking up.
10:22pm – I think Mike’s girl said something like “What’s it look like?” Then Pauly’s girl says that Mike’s girl doesn’t hook up. Mike tells the girl he’s going to go to bed and that she should go in the other room. He’s being a real dick and whatever the opposite of a wing man is.
10:23pm – Mike says she can just hang out in another room, but he won’t be hanging out with her. Pauly looks mortified. Mike’s girl actually feels bed. He tells her not to come over at 5AM and expect to play checkers, then she calls him an old man which he surprisingly doesn’t get defensive over.
10:24pm – Pauly’s DTF radar for one of the chicks seems to be off.
Man, Mike really let Pauly down. That dude has taken a ton of grenades and bombs for Mike.
10:28pm – Vinny and Pauly are heading to the beach, they each call their girls up. I was going to ask about Pauly having that chick and still trying to hook up with other chicks. That’s messed up.
Mike’s outside telling JWOWW she was a grenade while Pauly’s inside telling Vinny what really happened. Pauly tells Vinny he never has to try as hard as Mike does.
The couples seem to be having a good time at the beach once Pauly’s girl shows up. She was apparently trying to find him on the beach all day, but kept missing him.
10:30pm – Ronnie and Sammi show up at the beach too and Sam comments that it looks like the dudes were wifed up.
They head back to the house and Sammi and Ronnie are making out in the hot tub. Mike’s making a big ass dinner.
10:31pm – Once again, Mike is talking about how awesome he is for cooking a big crazy dinner. One of the pans starts burning and Mike takes it right over to the sink and sprays it. The smoke sets off the alarm.
10:36pm – The firemen come in and JWOWW is practically drooling over these guys. She wants them to strip search her. Firemen don’t do that, chick. Snooki looks like she just walked into the room from a nap and sees a unicorn, she’s so giddy.
10:37pm – At dinner, Vinny thanks Mike and everyone else joins in. Vinny thinks it’s pretty amazing that before they met each other, they didn’t know each other. Huh?
Vinny’s saying that he and Pauly like exotic girls. Sammi says “I look exotic don’t I?” Ronnie says she looks kind of Asian. Sam gets pissed because his ex is Asian.
“That’s annoying, you don’t look Asian.” – Snooki.
10:38pm – Snooki’s talking to Sammi outside and thinks she’s being stupid. Sammi, as usual, is over reacting. Ronnie basically has a type, just like all these broads like juiceheads.
10:39pm – Ronnie says he brushes things off and Sammi takes things too seriously, which she follows up with “Why are you even with me?”
Ugh, just when these two assholes I could give a shit about were fading into the background and only making me slightly angry, they’ve shot back into the foreground with their lameness.
10:43pm – Ronnie’s got a good point, he helped her through her shit in the house, but then he questions if she helped herself, implying that it was all him.
“You need to shut up and respect me right now.” – Sammi to Ronnie. This made me laugh pretty hard.
Ronnie tells the camera that 99% of their fights are caused and started by Sam. That seems like a pretty accurate estimate.
10:44pm – JWOWW’s trying to figure out if everyone in the house has hooked up with each other in a kind of six degrees of separation. Vinny tries to tell them it doesn’t count unless it happens right after each other, but the girls don’t care. Basically, all the dudes have swapped spit.
“I’m a whore, hello.” – Snooki. Snooki hooked up with Mike and Vinny and tried to hook up with Pauly but it didn’t happen.
10:45pm – Mike and Vinny head out for laundry and tanning. Mike parks in a tow away zone. Haha, the cameras capture the car getting towed away.
10:51pm – Mike’s complaining that they were only in there for 10 minutes. It’s going to cost $175. He keeps dropping his nickname as if anyone gives a shit.
10:52pm – Vinny’s wearing an old school Iron Man shirt while he and Mike walk all over the damn place. They get the car back with no problem.
10:53pm – The dudes are heading out to the club, but the girls aren’t going so Snooki stays home even though she’s all ready to go. It’s just an MVP night as it looks like Ronnie and Sammi are okay again. Blech.
10:54pm – Ah, Ramona works as a dancer at one of the clubs.
Two blonde girls roll up on Pauly and possibly Mike (though it looks to me like they just went up to Pauly). Both girls are Canadian and head back to the house with them, Ramona goes back with Vinny too. The guys say they actually asked the girls if they were DTF and they said yes.
10:55pm – Whoa, Ramona looks a little broke after dancing all night. She spends the night with Vinny again and possibly hook up. MTV must have reels and reels of reality show “celebs” hooking up just waiting to get stolen and sold on the internet.
10:56pm – Once again, Mike’s being a little weird again, getting creepy with his girl. Mike and Pauly head inside to get them clothes. They also both spray their junk with cologne.
10:57pm – Apparently they’re sisters and Mike’s girl is engaged. Mike says he doesn’t care and then they take the girls into their room, but Mike’s says they’ll be leaving in five minutes so Mike says “If you’re going to leave in five, leave now.”
10:58pm – Man, another blown wingman situation with Mike. Pauly should just start doing his own thing.
Mike keeps yammering to Pauly as if he cares, that dude was about to hook up and you ruined it.