Jersey Shore Season 3 Episode 12 “A House Divided”

The penultimate episode of the third season of Jersey Shore, was mostly spent dealing with the fallout from last week‘s reveal that Sammi was chatting up Mike’s friend Arvin and got caught red handed. There’s also some last day stuff at the T-shirt shop which shows how incapable these folks are at doing anything even remotely challenging (except Pauly, dude knows how to work). Oh, and Vinny gets the drunkest I’ve ever seen him and makes a TOTAL ass out of himself. Hit the jump for all the wackiness. We’ll start off at the beginning, which as usual was really the end of the previous episode (you gotta stop doing this producers, even people who love this show can remember what you just showed them in the “previously on” section). Ronnie and Sammi are back at the house arguing. He’s pissed at her, she doesn’t admit to any wrongdoing and even admits that she’d kill a girl if she showed up saying she was supposed to hook up with him. The hypocrisy these people, especially these two, display is mindboggling. How either of them can sit on any high horse and look down on the other when they’re both been unfaithful is beyond me. After fighting, Sammi tries getting Ronnie to go to bed with her, but he denies her which makes her upset even though an episode or two back she told the girls she was set on keeping her own room.

Anyway, while all this is going on in one part of the house, Snooki and Deena are bored and playing with empty boxes. Deena’s trying to fit herself in when when Snooki decides she wants to play soccer with it. The first kick lands and then on the second one, she kicks real hard and a combination of the momentum, her slippers and the wood floor sending her tumbling on her ass. It was beautiful. Then, Deena tries fitting herself into a box. Again. Mike sums it all up pretty well: “I never thought someone would make Snooki look like a rocket scientist, but Deena takes the cake.” Sure it’s a mixed metaphor, but it seems accurate. I’ve got to say, even though Deena’s not the wisest of the bunch (though she did smell Mike’s aftershave on the dogs after his stupid poop prank) she seems a lot more real the Snooki. Snooks really seems to be playing the part people responded to, which is boring. You could say Pauly and Mike are doing the same thing, but they came in with those characteristics, stayed consistent and even showed some admirable (as well as not) qualities along the way. Snooki’s playing the part of every stuck up girl who thinks she’s way hotter than she really is that you knew in high school.

The next day you see Deena, Snooki and Sammi go to work. It’s Deena’s last day and she’s not doing anything as you might expect. She also informs the camera that she doesn’t usually hold down a job during the summer. Course. Danny, the guy who runs the store, tells her she’s the worst employee of the year which is actually somewhat impressive. Around this same time, Vinny takes Snooki out for lunch. They avoid the obvious topic of their feelings for one another and instead Snooki tells him the girl he brought home the night before was a grenade. He tells her it’s Seaside and they can’t all be dimes. Vinny’s gone WAY downhill on my scale thanks mostly to this season. He used to seem like such a nice dude and now? Eh.

A few things happen before they go out that night. Vinny gets his ear pierced after the other guys gave him a ton of grief about it. His bending to peer pressure (the earring and spray tan) don’t help him in my mind. Back at the house Vinny and Pauly make fun of Deena for wearing all denim. They get bonus points for doing so by using music from Mario Bros. Oh, then Ronnie and Sammi decide to stay in and drink wine while the others go out. It was Ronnie’s idea (wasn’t he super pissed YESTERDAY?) and Sam agrees.

Out at the club, things get pretty cray cray. The girls at the club are apparently grenades, but that doesn’t stop the dudes from dancing on a bunch of them. Then, literally out of nowhere, Pauly’s stalker Danielle pops up behind some girls in Vinny’s vicinity. Of course, she’s weird and awkward, wants to go back to the house but is denied and threatens to punch both of them. But that’s not the craziest bit. After a break, we come back and the dudes are engulfed by older women, one of which says “I’m an old lady who likes to party.” It’s all pretty hilarious. They’re done with the club and take a pair of girls back to the house.

This is when things got awkward for Vinny who got ridiculously drunk between dancing with old ladies I guess (or maybe because of it). While Vinny and Pauly are chatting up their girls, Vinny’s girl’s brother shows up. Weirdly, he’s not trying to stop anything from happening, but is just trying to figure out if he should give his sister a ride home that night or in the morning. Pauly’s not a fan of his girl, which is odd because she’s pretty attractive and decides to take advantage of the situation and ask the dude to drive his girl home, which of course insults her. There’s more weirdness (basically this dude is saying, “should I take her home now or do you want to bang her?”) and then Vinny gets upset and tells him to take them both home and starts getting mouthy, telling them where the door is and slamming the door behind them.

Right after this, Vinny grabs Snooki, who’s sitting on the ground, and drags her towards her bed, offering himself to her. There’s a whole drawn out bit of stupidness here where Snooki gets really upset and Vinny’s drunkenly trying to first apologize and then say that it’s the exact same thing that she does when she gets drunk, which is completely true. These two idiots should just have a real conversation about actual feelings and figure their shit out. They’d make a cute couple. But it’s not over. After that Vinny wants to rap battle someone and Sammi says she’s game. Vinny starts with some nonsense then Sam responds. It’s terrible but they’re all pretty happy with themselves. Then Sam tells Vinny to say something mean (I think), he calls her shady and then falls on his ass. Sam doesn’t laugh, but gets pissed and says she doesn’t want to play anymore. The she goes up and has sex with Ronnie (which she confirms the next day to the girls).

There’s a funny bit the next day where Mike keeps falling asleep at work, including in a changing room which then gets barricaded by newly delivered boxes. The boss fires him (it’s his last day). Back at the house, Ronnie takes Sammi to the hospital because she slept in her contacts and can’t see. While they’re gone, Ronnie’s mom calls and Deena answers. It seems like a normal conversation at first, but then the missus noticed that she sounded like a little girl. I think we as the audience realized at the same time that Deena did that something was up: Ronnie’s mom was DRUNK. She kept saying something about being tan. Deena passed the phone of to JWOWW who foolishly passed it to Mike who explained to mom what went down with Arvin. Apparently Ronnie’s mom is no fan of Sam’s. Hey me neither, we should hang out some time. As soon as Ronnie and Sammi get back to the house JWOWW is literally telling him that his mom called drunk when the phone rings and it’s her. While he’s talking to her and telling her that she’s embarrassing herself, him and their family (I felt really bad for her, he was being a dick, but I can understand being embarrassed by something like that), JWOWW pulls Sammi aside and tells her that Mike just told Ronnie’s mom about all that stuff.

Ronnie finally gets off the phone–Sammi jumped into the room and was telling him what JWOWW just told her–and instead of being pissed at Mike, he wants to get to the bottom of the Arvin thing. It seemed like an odd leap, but I don’t know. He winds up out on the porch with the other guys and JWOWW and all the dude’s are basically saying that she did him dirty. Pauly points out again that they had squashed whatever problems there were between them, so this puts her up one in that kind of book. It’s all nonsense. These dudes are just hiding behind pride even though they’ve probably all done the exact same thing that Ronnie did to Sam in Miami. JWOWW worries that Mike is brainwashing Ronnie, but it looks like a group activity to me. Anyway, Sammi finally comes out and Mike calls her on this whole thing again, but all she does is attack ad hominem without actually saying anything factual to defend herself. Mike decides the best thing to do is call Arvin with everyone standing around to he can explain what happened. We get to see this as the end credits role and find out that Arvin and Sam hung out a lot and have made out, but not hooked up. CREDITS.

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