Well, the third season of Jersey Shore ended tonight. I gotta say, there were definitely times this season when I wanted to drop this show and find something that I would more fully enjoy (I do however, enjoy the hits writing about the show brings). With Snooki’s obnoxiousness, the non-stop bullshit between Ronnie and Sammi and Vinny’s slow descent into assholeishness, it’s been a taxing season to say the least. I’m really starting to think that shows based on people either trying to party or be confrontational with one another wear pretty thin when followed for more than one season. The same could easily be said about any of the Real Housewives series’. While the season finale wasn’t nearly as difficult to sit through as some of this season’s other episodes, it still contained all three of the annoying aspects from this season. Oi. As usual, we pick up where the previous episode left off. Mike called his buddy Arvin up to find out exactly what happened between him and Sammi in the past with Ronnie and Sammi standing right there. Last episode Arvin told Mike and then Ronnie that he had never hooked up with Sammi but they had made out. The new stuff this episode sees Sammi grabbing the phone and confronting Arvin, asking why he’s lying and all that. He’s very straight-up like “Hey, what are you talking about, you know it’s true.” While she’s talking to him, Mike’s making more and more comments and Ronnie finally just hangs the phone up, later telling the camera that he could tell by her body language that she was lying. Which, as it turns out, is exactly the case. Outside, she tells Ronnie that she made out with Arvin when she was 21 (she’s nearing 24 when this was filmed, according to her). You’ll note that she still hasn’t admitted to contacting Arvin and asking him to meet her at the club, which is what kicked this whole thing off.
After that we see Ronnie, Snooki and Vinny going to work. It’s their last day and the last day of any of theirs at the Shore Store. Ronnie does nothing but give the owner Danny shit and take naps, even though the dude’s been pretty good to them and has a party planned for them at a hotel that night and even told them they could bring a couple friends or family members. We cut to the party where Pauly D’s DJing and had a few friends show up. JWOWW invited her dad (who looks nothing like her) and her boyfriend Roger, so they got to meet for the first time. It seemed to go well. Vinny invited his Uncle Nino down who was a big hit with Deena. It didn’t look like Ronnie or Sammi invited anyone, but she did take the time to pull him aside and tell him that she doesn’t think she can be with someone who’s friends with Mike because he’s a shit starter. Ronnie stays on Mike’s side and that’s pretty much that. The real drama of the evening came from Vinny trying to get with Deena’s friend Lisa and Deena stepping in and putting the kibosh on it. Vinny gets all upset because she’s blocking him, but Deena’s not only looking out for Lisa, but also Snooki, even though Snooki says they’re not together. Back at the house, Vinny continues to act like a child and stays mad at Deena for not letting him smush her friend. He even calls her Angelina which is apparently like dropping the C-Bomb for normal people.
I was hoping that, the next day, Vinny would apologize to Deena for being a douche, but he’s still mad. Seriously, bro, grow up. Hell, even Mike apologized to Sammi about starting trouble with Arvin that morning. Vinny still sucks through dinner that night and even Pauly’s on his side which is lame, but Deena makes a nice little speech and says she loves everyone. They head back to the house and we get our last getting-ready montage of the season. They head out to Karma and things seem to be going along pretty normal. The best part of the episode is when Roger asks Jenni what she wants to do about them. It’s actually really adorable because this gigantic, beautiful woman gets all smitten when she’s talking to this dude and they decide to be exclusive with each other. Snooki and Deena freak out and love the news. But then it’s off to other folks. Snooki finds the dude who helped bandage her knee when she cut two episodes back. She grabs him, takes him back to the house and they bang. She says he has whiskey dick, but that it’s a good thing because he can last longer. I’ve never heard it put that way before, but I bow to the expertise of the expert.
Back at the club, there’s another spat between Ronnie and Sammi because she was talking to some guy friends of hers. She wants him to come over and hang out with them, but he’s not down. On the way home, she asks him what kind of boyfriend leaves his girlfriend like that in a club or something. He gets pissed and walks away from her, leaving her to walk herself home. Vinny and Mike went home without girls, Deena came back with a guy friend of hers, Pauly has a girl and JWOWW brings back Roger (she even interupts his call to his boss telling him he won’t be coming into work the next day, which was pretty hilarious). Everyone trying to get lucky gets interrupted when Sammi and Ronnie have yet another screaming match. The reaction shots of the people trying to hook up and Deena who’s drunk, eating a sandwich and asks why they’re fighting like a kid who’s soon-to-be-divorced parents are yelling at each other is pretty priceless. They finally separate and Deena makes Vinny a peace offering of grilled cheese which he says he doesn’t deserve because he’s an asshole (agreed). He then says these amazing few lines to her friend who is kind of tall: “This guy’s cool. I’m going to call you Tree. Hey Tree.”
The next day is the last day they’re all there. The dog shits on a rug and Mike makes the astute observation that the rug is like Sammi and Ronnie’s relationship, always with someone peeing or pooping on it. There’s a final exchange between those two people who should not be in a relationship together out on the porch. For the millionth time this season after an argument where one tells the other they’re done, Sammi asks Ronnie to talk. She apologizes and says she loves him and that he’s her best friend. He says she doesn’t show him that she loves him. She says she’s not lovey dovey and he says it’s not about that, but about not being nasty and negative. He says his heart is broken, she asks if he’s over it because she’s not. He says he needs his space right now. He gets up to walk away, she asks if it’s over and he says yeah. Let it be real! Oh Lord, let it be real.
Finally, everyone leaves with Sammi being the first to go. Mike, JWOWW and Pauly all say it was the best summer of their lives. That’s pretty much it. The interesting thing about the end of this season is that it’s not filled with everyone talking about how they love each other and they’re family. Sure, it makes sense that JWOWW had the best summer because she got rid of an asshole boyfriend and met an awesome dude (their kids are going to be SO pretty) and the dudes are always just working on getting girls which was probably a lot easier this year because they’re even more famous. As things end, I’m only really interested in the next season when they go to Italy because I want to see how they react to the place and how the Italians react to these folks. You’ve got to keep mixing it up Jersey Shore, otherwise, it’s just going to be sad watching these people age and still trying to hook up with strangers. js