So as some of you might have realized, MTV kicked off their 24h (!!) season of Real World by returning to New Orleans. I always forget how hard it is to live blog these first episodes, because I try to get everyone’s names and where they’re from while also keeping up with the episode and trying not to be a jerk to the missus (which I often fail at while trying to spell Jemmye’s damn name). Holy crap this was a crazy first episode. Lots of drama all from one epicenter. And no, I won’t just tell you who it is, you’ll have to hit the jump and read through to find out! Note that all the pictures of the cast members involve them leaning, as if they’re unable to stand on their own power, that’s a pretty good sign for a crazy season. If you like this post, check out next week’s live blog. Knight, 23, from Wisconsin. Kinosha donchaknow. Hockey player, he likes being the most hated person on the ice. Blew out his shoulders and got addicted to pain meds. Been off them for 6 months.

Jemmye (pronounced “Jimmy”), 21 from Aberdeen, Mississippi. Has 6 tattoos, wants you to know she’s not conservative and has a vagina tattoo. Also obsessed with shoes, specifically heels. Seems like the type who wants to do things her way and won’t give a shit about anyone else. Ugh.

I guarantee I will spell this broad’s name wrong repeatedly so get ready for that. Also, I hate her accent.

They’re switching things up, introducing two people, then showing then showing everyone getting to the house or meeting up.

McKenzie, 21, from Jupiter, Florida meets up with Knight first, whose real first name is Ryan.

Preston 22, Boston. Gay or just loves fashion, probably gay.

Preston now meets Jemmye. They’re eating crawfish and Preston’s grossed out. Sigh. The man selling crawfish just told her to suck every last drop…of crawfish.

Ashlee, 23, also from Boston. She sells power tools. Also does not have a strong Boston accent.

Eric 24 from Arlington, Virginia. He’s got a government type job but is also a stand-up comic.

Eric and Ashlee now meet up. He has her drive to the house. Eric digs Ashlee. She’s originally from New Jersey, which explains the lack of Boston accent, but also doesn’t sound like a Jersey Girl.

Sahar, 21 from Deerborn Michigan. That’s not far from my house. She loves music and singing. This is her first time away from home.

Ryan, 21, from Tempe Arizona. Went to cosmetology school and works in a salon with his dad and grandpa. Not gay, likes longboards and calling people out.

Sahar and Ryan now meet up kind of awkwardly. Sahar met a dude a month before coming out, but put it on hold. They’re taking the trolley to the house.

McKenzie doesn’t have a boyfriend, neither does Jemmye or Preston. Ashlee’s single, but she broke up with a dude somewhat recently.

Mardi Gras is very soon. They’re not wasting any time this season.

Preston and Jemmye get their first. Thanks for letting the two most annoying people getting their first MTV.

Heh, there’s a trolley IN the house. As always, it’s full of colors, patters, crazy shit and makes me want to go to there.

Preston and Jemmye will be rooming together in the room with the biggest closet.

These two know how to make a first impression, they’re trying to pose sexy-like as Eric and Ashlee roll in. They don’t seem to mind.

Ashlee and Preston make the Boston connection. Everyone digs Ashlee’s lips, I guess you have to see them in person…

Ashlee and Eric will be rooming together, they’ve got a room with a rad balcony.

Hey, Subway’s sponsoring the show again.

Knight and McKenzie show up next. Now all four of the already-present roommates do the posing thing. Oi.

McKenzie and Knight want to live with people of the same sex. I get that. It’s not for everyone.

Meanwhile they cut to Sahar and Ryan. Ryan brings up rooming with Sahar, but she’s not really down. When they show up no one notices. That’s really weird. Usually they’re anxiously awaiting the last roomies.

Ryan makes fun of Knight for introducing himself as “Knight.”

Sahar and McKenzie are gonna live together, so are Ryan and Knight. Ryan wants to get out of the room. He’s totally judging Knight just by looking at him, which is exactly what he said he hates people doing.

Ryan’s still being a douche about the roomie situation. He convinced Ashlee to switch with him. Knight agrees. This dude (Ryan) is too friggin’ much. So now Ryan and Eric are living in the same room.

That’s awesome, they have a player piano.

Ryan wears a purity ring, but he’s not a virgin, he just hasn’t had sex since his first girlfriend. Good on him.

Ryan brings up drugs. Knight’s wondering about talking about his pain killer addiction, then he does. Good on him. Ryan used to pop Xanyx to deal with his ex. Whoof, that’s rough.

Haha, Knight said Ryan has very female emotions. Knight makes fun of him, Ryan comes back. Ugh, this is getting awkward. They’re both coming off kind of douchey.

The dude Sahar left back in Deerborn is Catholic. He’s still in her mind. Eric has a thing for her.

“You’re going to get raped out here.” – Ryan RE: Jemmye’s outfit before going out. Whoa, this will probably lead to a fight.

McKenzie says she blacks out very easily. Ryan takes it on himself to watch out for her. That should be interesting.

They all go out to Bourbon Street. Ryan’s got a thing for McKenzie. He gets weird and jealous like crazy because she’s talking to some dude. The whole group goes to leave but McKenzie’s still inside. Ryan goes in and finishes her beer for her because he’s “looking out for her.” I’m getting a creepy stalker vibe from him.

They head over to gay bar where Preston starts making out and dudes buy Ryan some drinks. Some dude comes up and kisses him on the neck and Ryan wipes it off like it’s the plague.

Now, in an interview, he’s saying that McKenzie says one thing and does another. What is he talking about?

“Once one of us touches you with our lips, you become one of us, it’s like princess and the frog.” – Preston. HAHAHAHA, holy shit, that’s funny.

Preston’s offended by something Ryan said and Ryan keeps trying to get in his face. Preston just wants a few minutes, but Ryan’s not leaving him alone. Then Preston tries to squash it and Ryan KEEPS getting in his face.

Whoa, now Ryan’s like angry, getting in Preston’s face, like scary-like. This dude will be trouble.

Now, back at the house, Ryan’s giving Preston the silent treatment. Knight’s trying to tell him to relax. “I don’t need to relax for anybody.” – Ryan. HUHWHA?

Preston says something like “The bleach must have gotten to his head” and Ryan jumps in his room and starts giving him shit. He’s such a dick. Gah, NOW he’s arguing with Jemmye and calling her trailer trash. Ahh! This kid’s a nutdouche (just made that up).

Ryan just keeps coming into the room, saying it’s now or never to squash this whole stupid thing. Okay, they’re shaking hands and he’s apologizing. Jesus, this dude’s a douche, but he’s going to be interesting to watch.

Now Preston and Ryan are outside smoking and Preston’s telling him that he’s been away from his folks for a while because his parents sucked. Ryan says that he’s the same way because he’s been picked on. That’s not the same thing dude.