Jersey Housewives “Youth Will Be Served”

This episode was pretty whatever. It’s Teresa and Joe’s 10th anniversary and Danielle celebrates her daughter’s sweet 16 while Jacqueline tries to beat Ashley over the head with the idea that she’s an idiot (well, not really, but that’s what I think).

I can’t tell if Joe is joking about the Monopoly board having a rip in it.

It’s Teresa and Joe’s 10th anniversary coming up. The girls think he needs to get her a big gift.

Danielle, your daughter raising money for her sweet 16 for charity has nothing to do with you.

I agree with Caroline, Jacqueline needs to get Kim G out of the picture because she doesn’t need Kim going back to Danielle and giving her any information.

Albie’s gonna be a cop. Huh.

That’s cute, Jillian, Danielle’s youngest is writing a song for her older sister’s birthday. Mayhap Danielle’s swiping songs from her daughter! Jillian doesn’t want Kristine to hear her song, she’s also worried that people will judge her at the party and not like her song.

Jillian’s really upset about the song, Danielle tells her she needs to do it, kind of meanly. Danielle keeps calling her an artist which is annoying.

There’s no nice way to say this, but she’s not a great singer. She’s sharp.

It’s the day of Teresa and Joe’s anniversary. Apparently Joe’s a poet. They’re going on a helicopter ride because he chickened out on their honeymoon.

Albie’s showing his brother and sister what he’s got to do to train for the academy. He goes to get water and his sister locks him out. Hahaha.

Jesus, Danielle, singing at a sweet 16 party isn’t going to be Jillian’s big break. Leave the kid alone.

Apparently the girls’ dad will be going. I’d be shocked if Danielle doesn’t cause a scene.

Ugh. Danielle wants to wear the engagement ring just because it’s got some nice bling for it. She tells Kristine that she’ll get that ring when she gets married, then the girls start fighting over who deserves a bigger ring.

Danielle just said she wanted the room for her 16 year old daughter’s birthday party to be “like the forbidden room.”

I feel like a broken record, but Ashley is such a dumb, stuck up, entitled pretentious ass.

You better be careful with this Ashley, there is a video tape of the situation.

Hey, Jacqueline, Ashley does not get that she did anything wrong. She’s a sociopath.

I hate that I know what a Step And Repeat is thanks to watching Bravo shows.

How is she affording this party? She says everything was donated because it’s about charity.

It’s kind of weird to be carried in by some big dude at your party, right?

Jillian wrote a pretty good song, she’s just not a very good singer, but that doesn’t mean she can’t be a writer.

Of course, Danielle gets up and has to make sure everyone know they’re her kids.

Ashley thinks she can countersue Danielle. For what? Chris tries to smooth things out between Jacqueline and Ashley, but Jacqueline gets angry and Ashley leaves like a small child.

Jersey Housewives “Staub Wounds” and Watch What Happens Live with Danielle

Here we go with another dose of drama on The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Now that we’ve had the climax of the season (the big fight with Teresa), where will we go? Unfortunately, it’ll most likely revolve around Danielle and her craziness, which is too bad because there’s more interesting shit going on in their lives I would imagine than this crazy broad. Hit it for the full live blog. Continue reading Jersey Housewives “Staub Wounds” and Watch What Happens Live with Danielle

Jersey Housewives “Country Clubbed”

Okay, so after a pretty crazy cliffhanger two weeks ago and a rerun last Monday. Damn, they’re jumping right back in. Picking right up where the last episode stopped, the arguing escalates intensely.

“Don’t forget girl, I live in Patterson. Did you forget?” – Teresa

Whoa, Danielle drops some stuff about Teresa’s house being in foreclosure. This seems to piss her off more than anything else.

Kim G tries to muscle Teresa to a chair, but she keeps going after Danielle who starts freaking out and running away. Jacqueline jumps in hurling insults at Danielle.

While Danielle’s fleeing, her heel breaks, her bodyguard tries to get her out to Kim G’s car. Danielle’s sobbing like crazy in her car.

Of course, Ashley gets involved and pulls Danielle’s hair.

Kim G has her bodyguard/driver get Danielle to the car.

After Danielle gets to the car Teresa walks to the car saying she’s going to apologize. She looks like a slasher, standing in front of the car saying they’ll have to run her over if she wants to leave.

Jacqueline’s yelling at Ashley to go home and Ashley says she’s choosing Danielle over her daughter.

Danielle calls 911, telling them she wants them arrested.

Jacqueline’s still standing outside the car. Kim G just needs to go inside and get her stuff. Inside Teresa’s talking to Kim D and Kim G tries to go in and play both sides again.

Kim D’s telling Kim G she needs to choose sides.

Ashley’s SO stupid. She’s running around telling everyone she pulled Danielle’s weave. All the other women are like “what the hell did you do that for?” Her excuse is that she thought Danielle attacked her mom. Seems questionable to me.

Back outside, Danielle’s talking to the police while Jacqueline is standing there to make sure it doesn’t get too much crazier.

It’s hilarious that Danielle gives the full names of not only herself to the cops, but also the other women involved as if the 911 operator gives a shit/needs to know/has any idea who these lunatics are.

Geez, the cops sent four cars. This should be interesting. This was an intense 12 minutes.

After the break, the cops ask Jacqueline to come over and Danielle FREAKS OUT.

Danielle, if you wanted to go home so badly, why didn’t you go home instead of making a huge scene and calling the cops? Call them later.

The cops are talking to Ashley about the hair pulling incident. “Technically, I didn’t grab her hair, I pulled her extensions.” Haha, oh Ashley, that doesn’t make it better in the eyes of the law.

Teresa’s trying to play dumb with the cop and not giving him the information he needs for a basic report.

Oi, ladies, saying that Danielle causes drama isn’t really an excuse for assault, even if she is a nut job.

Interesting, Jacqueline says that the police are used to Danielle’s drama which is why they let Ashley go. I agree with her that Danielle will probably press charges.

AHHH. They’re bouncing between Jacqueline and Teresa explaining what happened to Caroline and Danielle telling Danny. This is hard enough to keep track of!

“When she said ‘honey’ I heard ‘Honey, I’m gonna f*cking kill you.'” Danielle

Teresa’s really enjoying telling Caroline what happened, but, like, in a proud way.

Danielle’s convinced that Teresa wants to hurt or kill her. “I don’t take that lightly.” No shit.

It doesn’t look like handfuls of hair were pulled out. From the camera angle. Just saying.

Caroline’s right, Danielle got exactly what she wanted, a big confrontation where Teresa, Jacqueline and Ashley look like the bad guys and it just fuels her crazy fire.

Albie’s heading to a lawyer to see if he can get back into law school. He says when he was dismissed it means that he can’t apply to other law schools for two years, so he wants to get things rolling again. The lawyer says the school didn’t do their due diligence, basically, and she wants to send a letter to see if he can get written permission to apply elsewhere.

Okay, here’s my piece. Danielle is way too paranoid, but Jacqueline and especially Teresa and Ashley really screwed up by giving her more to complain about and use to armor herself in craziness. She absolutely should not have been assaulted. That’s a line that shouldn’t be crossed.

Danielle talked to her energist, who wants to call Jacqueline.

Now Teresa’s trying to tell Joe (her husband) what happened. I get the feeling Joe knows where this is going, but I don’t think he particularly cares, except for the foreclosure comment.

“I never in a million years would ever lay a finger on her or even punch her.” – Teresa.

Joe apparently does thing it’s funny. He just zooms in on the idea that one of the bodyguards tried to stop her.

Now we get to see Danielle’s energist talking to Jacqueline. The energist claims to feel energy over the phone which is pretty impressive. She’s trying to clear the air, but the energist doesn’t really listen to Jacqueline’s problems with her. Haha, but Jacqueline agrees to let her energy be cleared while on the phone. She’s just playing games on her iPhone though and saying bullshit answers. The energist keeps asking if she can remove her bad energy. This is amazing. Haha at the end Jacqueline says “Can you work on her a little harder.”

Oi, Teresa can’t pronounce cleavage. Joe makes me laugh. I think I want to hang out with him, but he also kind of scares me.

Albie talks to his parents about what the lawyer said.

Now Kim G and Danielle are eating together and Danielle’s still complaining about the hair pulling. It really does sound like Danielle’s going to press charges against Ashley under the auspices of helping her not go down a spiral that Danielle went down when she was younger and also protecting herself. Honestly, it’s probably the best course of action, because Ashley seems a little crazy too.

Kim G is a friggin’ backstabber. When Danielle came in she said something like “you gotta do what you gotta do” in reference to pressing charges.

Jacqueline’s talking to Ashley and Ashley keeps being a stupid teenager saying that her mom’s taking Danielle’s side. She’s really REALLY dumb. “I can do whatever I want to her.” – Ashley. Ugh. Yet another stupid rich girl. “That’s right, I’m a terrible daughter.” This dummy doesn’t realize that she is 18 and that means if it does go to court someone has to pay for it.

Chris (Jacqueline’s husband) has a pretty calm head about this whole thing. It has to be infuriating to deal with someone who’s this stupid.

Right after the commercial, Chris tells her she needs to shut her mouth or get out of the house. Basically, if she thinks she’s so smart and doesn’t think about the consequences, she needs to leave the house. Also, that she’s making a crazy person crazier. “Your life is becoming her.” Good point Chris. He says if she communicates with Danielle once more, she’s out and she’s on her own.

Jersey Housewives “Posche Spite”

Tonight’s episode was pretty much what everyone had been waiting for all season. I mean, what’s the point of building up all this Danielle drama if there’s not going to be a confrontation, right? Otherwise there’s no catharsis and you’d be left feeling rage that such an obviously crazy woman has been allowed to run her mouth all season. Well, in true Bravo fashion, we don’t get all of the confrontation. They episode has this crazy, awkward, (I’m embarrassed to say) somewhat pulse pounding build up, then…just a few minutes leading up to the big confrontation with next episode looking to be completely insane and hopefully cathartic. Continue reading Jersey Housewives “Posche Spite”

Bethenny Getting Married Lookalikes

I know I promised reviews of Bethenny Getting Married, a show I actually really dig, but thanks to a much earlier morning than usual, I’m exhausted. Instead, I’m just going to throw out two lookalikes I’ve noticed while watching the first few episodes of the series. First off, her wedding planner Shawn Rabideau looks eerily similar to Arrested Development’s Tony Hale. That one’s pretty obvious, but the next one isn’t so much. When I first saw Bethenny’s now-husband Jason Hoppy on New York Housewives, I thought he looked kind of familiar, but I couldn’t place him. This week I realized who he reminds me of: Michael Showalter from The State and Stella. It’s not dead-on by any means, but they could possibly be cousins. It was surprisingly difficult finding an image of Jason by himself, but this one works pretty well.

Thoughts?

New York Housewives: Unseen Footage Episode

What a waste of an hour. Did we really need more footage of Jill wanting shiny things, Kelly being nonsensical, Sonja talking about her lady parts, Ramona disliking surprises and Alex not being good at walking the runway? Nope. You know what would have been interesting? More of the trip to drama island! Are you kidding me with this nonsense Bravo? Everyone involved said there was WAY more footage that we didn’t see on the show. They probably could have drawn half a season out of this one trip and yet the only extra footage we get is Kelly exercising and going on and on about Ramona and a bunch of other yammering bullshit while Ramona’s trying to work out and ignore her. What about the supposed meeting that Bethenny had with the producers telling her to ease up on Kelly (according to Kelly) or Kelly getting escorted off the island (according to Bethenny)? Come on, the trip was the real culmination of the season, the high point of insanity and what everyone talked about not only in the remaining shows but a big chunk of the reunion and you’re not going to give us a little more? I’m not pleased Bravo.

Jersey Housewives “Bubbies Gone Bad” Plus Danielle On Watch What Happens Live

Like with last week‘s episode had a LOT going on. Danielle has surgery on a faulty implant, Caroline deals with her son not being allowed to continue with law school, Jacqueline talks with her daughter abut moving back in with her and her husband and Teresa throws a big housewarming party a year after she’s been in the place. The ongoing plot of the season continues to be Danielle though, for the most part, she’s just dealing with her surgery throughout the episode, which isn’t anything to laugh at. However, her appearance on Watch What Happens Live was hilarious because this woman is nuts! Read along with the live blog if you’re so inclined. Continue reading Jersey Housewives “Bubbies Gone Bad” Plus Danielle On Watch What Happens Live

New York Housewives Season 3 Reunion Part 3

I’ve got to call bullshit, guys. After watching the first two parts of the three part Real Housewives of New York and now the third one, I’ve got to say there was absolutely no reason for this to be a three parter. I get that they might have had to focus in on people like Sonja and LuAnn who didn’t really do much of anything this season except try to be Sarah Jessica Parker and sing poorly respectively. I could see doing two parts, but three just dragged it all out, but, this third installment was full of the goodness.

And by goodness, I mean showing off that Kelly really is two–if not twenty–cups of crazy. The previous episode ended with Kelly running away. As the missus pointed out, she doesn’t look upset, it’s just like she figured that was the time for HER to get up and walk away. While she’s gone Bethenny, Sonja, Ramona and Alex are practically falling over themselves to call her out on her bullshit. Meanwhile, LuAnn’s just sitting there laughing at the whole thing.

Probably the most interesting piece of information given out this episode is that Kelly got SENT home from the island, escorted by a producer, according to Bethenny. That seems to make sense. However, once Kelly gets back on set, she makes the whole thing out to be a “poor me” situation with all these women ganging up on her. Then, she says that Bethenny didn’t cook while they were at the big house, but that someone else did and she took credit. Seriously? Look that shit up on the internet. SHE’S A CHEF!!! Kelly keeps the crazy train rolling by saying Ramona’s too much of a drunk to remember something that we’ve all seen on film. The truth of the matter is that Kelly never answers a question directly and continues to dance around the subject saying the same things: it was disgusting, women need to celebrate each other and this is a good example for her daughters and other people.

There’s even a whole section where Andy plays clips showing how contradictory she is. She supports PETA but then buys fur. She says she’s modest, then poses for Playboy. She says she doesn’t start drama, then causes crazy amounts of drama on the boat, the island and almost everywhere else she shows up. Yet, Kelly doesn’t see anything wrong with any of this. She also doesn’t accept that she might be a little off. The most forehead slapping moment, however, is when Kelly says that Bethenny, Ramona and Alex are unpredictable! Huhwha?! It gets better when she says that unpredictable people are dangerous. Oh heavens, me, I can barely handle this broad’s craziness. She’s the epitome of delusional.

The rest of the show zooms in on Jill getting “kicked off” the island. I like that Ramona came at her with “You should have come in humble” to which Jill later responds “Could I have come in more humble?” MORE humble? How about even slightly, remotely humble, lady? Jill’s delusion that simply saying “I’m sorry” wipes the slate clean leans towards sociopath territory for me. But, hey, I’m not psychologist and I’m probably using the term incorrectly.

Well, that’s about it. New York Housewives went from being a show that was really about something; these women dealing with their individual lives and how they interact with one another. It morphed so much this year, with people who used to be beloved becoming villains and vice versa, that I’m not sure what to believe anymore. Is Jill really the attention whore she seems like this season or is she the normal person she seemed in previous? Is Ramona the inappropriate, but down to earth person she was this season or the bitch she was earlier? Is Kelly out of her freaking mind? In the end, I don’t think I’ll be able to continue watching if it turns out that Jill really is the person she’s shown herself to be this season and Kelly remains as bat shit crazy as she is. We shall see, though. There’s still a “never before seen” episode and then we’re on a break for a bit while Bethenny gets married and has a baby on her own show, which, yes, we’re watching, but I’m going to hold off on blogging about until next week. Get ready for that!

New York Housewives Season 3 Reunion Part 2

The second part of this three part reunion wasn’t all that interesting. After seeing last week’s Watch What Happens Live last week, Bethenny and Andy Cohen agreed that there was enough material for three one hour episodes. I’ve got to disagree as this installment felt like a whole lot of filler.

Sonja comes on and does her usual “I love sex” schtick that was old hat even before she got on the show. That took up a pretty big chunk of time. Another chunk was spent showing Jill getting dumped on for ten to fifteen minutes until Bethenny of all people jumped to her defense. We get it, Jill sucks. Unfortunately, Jill doesn’t seem to understand what she did wrong, just that she did wrong. I’ve never seen a person apologize more without any real emotion behind it in my life. That must be what it’s like to be a parent.

There were actually a couple interesting bits of information about people telling other people not to film with other housewives. Alex and Ramona both say that Jill asked them not to shoot with Bethenny after they heard about her solo show. Jill at first says she didn’t and then says she’s sorry (of course). It also comes up that Bethenny didn’t want to shoot with Kelly and Bethenny says straight up that it’s true and that she didn’t like Kelly and didn’t want her on the show. I bet she wishes her plan to get her off the show would have worked!

It’s not until there’s about 12 minutes left in the episode that they get to talking about Crazy Kelly on the boat trip. They show all the clips which takes up a good deal of that time and then Kelly goes on and on about bullying and how the women are vile and the she was attacked the whole time. Ramona jumps in, saying she can’t take it anymore (and frankly, neither could I because she didn’t make any sense). Andy responded by saying that she looked like a bully when she jumped on Kelly like that. All of this just made Kelly go on more about bullying and how her plight was a lesson the viewers (que?).

Kelly then tries to say that Bravo forced her onto that trip, which Andy flat out says ain’t true. LuAnn pipes up once again to say that she told Kelly not to go on the trip (hey, Countess, you sound like your own mercifully broken record) and then asks why she started all kinds of trouble. Sonja, Bethenny, Alex and Ramona all kind of explode with unbelief and annoyance at once, which gets Kelly upset and she walks off. Hey, that’s the end of the second part. Hopefully part three is all Kelly bashing, because, honestly, what else is there? Ooh, or better yet, her getting carted off in a straight jacket.

Jersey Housewives “Play At Your Own Risk”

Whew, I really should have taken notes for this episode as a ton of stuff happened. We kick off by picking up where the previous episode ended: Dina trying to tell Danielle she doesn’t want the crazy lady in her life. Of course, things escalate and it just turns into shouting. There’s some back and forth with Dina sending Danielle an email to say what she really wanted to say, which sounds heartfelt. Of course, when Danielle reads it to her friends (who obviously don’t know both sides of the story) they all think Dina’s a crazy person. Oh, how wrong you are.

Teresa’s pretty much a non-entity this episode. They just throw her in to rag on Danielle. Yeah, great, we get it you don’t like her. Frankly, they used Caroline the same way this episode, so they don’t really factor in.

Jacqueline pops up a few times. She’s apparently friendly with Danielle’s friend Kim G (the woman whose son is friends with Caroline’s son, but isn’t friends with Caroline herself). Everyone thinks Kim G is just trying to play both sides of the game, but I think she’s just trying to get both sides. Like, she’s stuck with Danielle or scared to go against her and wants to confirm how crazy she is, perhaps? Or maybe she’s just curious. Jacqueline informs Kim that Daniell’s been sending messages to Dina which resulted in Dina needing to cut her out of her life.

The other time Jacqueline factors in is when some of the guys get together at her house for a poker game. Caroline’s son is there, Teresa’s husband, Jacqueline’s husband, a guy who used to date Danielle and is friends with Teresa’s husband and Jacqueline’s daughter’s boyfriend (Jacqueline’s husband dropped over $500 at the Italian deli for the party!). Before the party starts, Jacqueline asks Steve (the guy who dated Danielle) about this sex tape scandal. Danielle said that he taped them having sex and tried to sell it, but Steve says she recorded herself with herself and then sent that to him. She then dropped her case because she didn’t have one. Seems plausible to me.

Oh, so back to Jacqueline. She factors in at the party because it’s at her house and the boys are testing Ashley’s boyfriend. But, what ends up happening is that Ashley freaks out like a 2 year old because Jacqueline compares her to her Grandma, who is apparently fat. This sends Ashley into a tantrum. She backtalks Jacqueline and Jacqueline kicks her out of the house! Pretty awesome, Ashley’s a dummy.

Ugh, watching Danielle’s friends try to convince her to be sexy and her acting like it’s the furthest thing from her mind is just gross. Even worse is watching her try on lingerie (the ass/thong shot almost made me gag). Even worse than THAT? Watching her ply her two decade year old stripping moves with her friends at a class in front of her thug posse. Yuck. Also, you were never getting $20s, 50s and 100s thrown at you unless it was to get you to bounce.

WHY CAN’T DANIELLE SAY WOMEN INSTEAD OF ALWAYS SAYING WOMAN FOR THE PLURAL?!!! It drives me NUTS.

The big finale of the episode comes when Dina tells the audience she’s no longer going to be on the show because she doesn’t want to be around Danielle. This doesn’t really come as much of a shock, I figured it was either Dina not wanting to deal with the bullshit anymore or Danielle flipping out and getting arrested. I still remember there being teaser footage the implied there was going to be a physical fight between Danielle and someone else. On the Watch What Happens Live post-show Dina said she didn’t want the negativity around her anymore and that it was worse than it seemed on TV. That’s also why she didn’t want her daughter being on this season. I like Dina and will miss her, though it looks like there will be plenty of drama without her (she was the peaceful one most of this season).